A Crappy Day...

Why am I feeling so emotionally crappy today?

Is it due to having received my sister-in-law's positive medical results, tainted with an underlying disappointment? My expectations have let me down. When will I learn not to have any!

Is it caused by the confusing and unpleasant conversation I had with a family member during a loud, annual social event I recently reluctantly attended? He seemed to think I had been judging him (did I miss something?) and politely told me to mind my own business. I have the greatest respect for this loved one, so this particular interaction has left me endlessly pondering and processing in an attempt to place it into justifiable perspective. Unfinished business for sure. Or maybe it's the residue of a few glasses of red wine I consumed that night? My poor body would surely be unhappily detoxing from this unusual occurrence.

Is it the horrendous winds presently blowing like there's no tomorrow, making outside work uncomfortable and difficult? Our timber home is whistling through every nook and cranny, giving my fluff balls and I a sense of unwelcome restlessness.

Perhaps, unbeknown to me, my hormones have decided to throw a party, tipping my equilibrium, just because they can… and of course, as happens every time I feel crappy, more crappiness is what I seem to manifest.

This morning I woke feeling a little unwell – sore throat, lethargic, hot, then cold and headachy. Although many people I have been in contact with of late have been ill with colds and influenzas, I know by my own track record, my immune system will only cave if I am feeling emotionally unbalanced. So I am not surprised.

I still needed to complete my morning farm chores as well as feed my beautiful animals, so a little unenthusiastically, I ventured outside to wrestle the relentless wind. I then made my way to our local shops to buy the daily paper, check our post office box and shop for salad ingredients for our local football club. There's a home game this weekend and I volunteer to make the side salads for the dinners after the games. That's my contribution as 'Mrs President'! I also picked up a take-away almond latte on my way out, which I was very much looking forward to drinking once home, not knowing, due to feeling a little off, if it would taste as delicious as usual.

Well, I arrived home to discover my passenger car seat had a weird stain underneath my shopping bag of goodies. It didn't take long to realise the sun dried tomatoes had sprung a leak. Oil, great! After I cleaned everything as best I could, I suddenly remembered my coffee! That will go down well now after a quick zap in the microwave, I thought, but no, I couldn't find it. Retracing my steps in my mind, I decided there was only one reason why my coffee had disappeared. I'd left it sitting on top of my car roof after I loaded my shopping and drove off homeward bound. Damn, how mindless of me!

What I really would have benefited from today is my soothing, rejuvenating, weekly yoga class, and although my mind and spirit were willing, my body pleaded with me not to attend. I am feeling much worse than this morning and still have afternoon farm jobs to conquer, not to mention my employment off the farm tomorrow. I'm devouring vitamin C as we speak… and I am writing because I love to do so. I frustratingly haven't found the time to put pen to paper in the last couple of weeks, and I'm feeling the consequences. My soul is longing to be fed and today I'm making the most of a little peaceful spell in the house. I may be feeling crappy, but I'm making sense of my crappiness through the written word. I was for a short while anyway. 

My husband soon arrived home limping, due to an accident at work, and can hardly walk now – joy! Looks like my intermittent, peaceful, writing spurts just became a rarity! Time to put the nurse's cap back on, and gumboots simultaneously to step up the farm work.

Thankfully I don't feel dispirited very often, and hopefully I will be able to stop this cold, or whatever it is, in its tracks with fresh air, abundant water and a good, healthy diet with some vitamins thrown in. Most importantly I will pause to take a deep breath, return to the moment and centre myself often by closing my eyes and focussing on my heart area. It works a treat and only takes a few minutes. If only I would remember to do so more often!

I know I have created this physical and emotional imbalance within myself through thoughts fuelled with not-so-pleasant emotions, and mostly hanging onto 'stuff', which doesn't serve me – or doesn't serve me any longer, to be precise. I am constantly amazed to think my thoughts create my life. I have proven this in my world often, prompting significant, welcoming awareness. This gift of awareness always leads to positive change and growth, up another rung or through another layer if I choose to listen, more importantly if I choose to act. Timing seems to be an important factor as well.

So I wish to get a grip, as I'm not enjoying feeling this way at all. I will aspire to awaken tomorrow with renewed positivity and enthusiasm, grateful for my life, grateful to be alive. Even if I am unable to pinpoint the cause of my lower mood, I will sit with it and let it pass, as it always does. I find this works best for me… and I know my physical body will follow suit with healing.

Jocose Island...

Once again, I am prompted to participate in a short meditation guided by the lovely Leanda Michelle.

Feeling somewhat defeated, depleted, heavyhearted, due to recent events, I didn't sink into the relaxation as easily as usual, however once the guided meditation commenced, I was fully there…

I instantly find myself standing on a beautiful island, close to a gently-rolling, brilliant-blue water's edge. It's a most glorious, warm, clear, sunny afternoon and I welcome the massaging sand underneath my feet. A ceremony seems to be happening. The air is filled with the waft of delicious cuisine, which I now see is a colorful, elaborate banquet.

I sense this is a celebration of sorts, although for which occasion, I'm not sure. After a while, I realise this is a regular normality for this beautiful Polynesian tribe. They all seem so happy and humble and are celebrating their gratitude for life.

The atmosphere is uplifting and light and I can't help smiling. There is music being played with guitars and drums, while in unison, angelic, male voices echo across the beach. People are dancing and laughing and having a wonderful time. They're wearing grass skirts, flowers and shell chains around their necks; the women in their hair. There are vibrant colors everywhere I look. It's absolutely mesmerising to witness.

The adults portray themselves as unguarded, warm and approachable. They are not surprised by my presence, and don't actually take too much notice of me observing the scene. The fifteen or so inquisitive children however, are in complete awe, and rush over to play with my hands, touch my skin, my hair and my light, white, summer dress I find myself wearing. 'Gosh, imagine if I was blonde and fair-skinned! How would they react then?', I amusingly wonder.

There is delightful movement everywhere. Women are talking and laughing among themselves, as they creatively tend to their banquet. Some men are presently in the process of constructing a fire in preparation for the incoming, cooler, evening air. The musicians are chanting to the dancers, who are happily aligned with the melodic beat. Once their curiosity has been satisfied, the children too disperse in all directions, playing and laughing as they go. Each soul seems oblivious to any worries and completely absorbed in the jocose activities taking place, as the sun slowly begins to descend to the rhythmic sound of gentle waves breaking on the foreshore… and I am prompted to remember not to take life or myself too seriously. 

 

I awaken from my meditative state feeling lighter in my gut area. The knot has untangled and I am thankful for, yet another, appropriate reminder.

My Happy Place ...

I reside and work predominantly on a beautiful, rural, cattle farm my husband and I purchased in 2002. I'm a born and bred city girl and through surprising circumstances, I quite suddenly found myself swapping a social/welfare career for complete serenity and solitude. Although the move was exciting and positively life-changing, it proved to be quite an extraordinary transition on many levels.

Initially I concentrated on cleaning up farm waste material, which had been cunningly hidden from view. I enthusiastically learnt such tasks as pulling down aged, rusty, fence wire, and by hand, replacing fence posts—all toward the improvement of our property. It was liberating dirtying my hands and I slept like a baby at night, satisfied with my physical achievements. I would be alone most days listening to the mesmerising and diverse sounds of nature, while a group of curious cattle would stand close by, supervising my every move. It was bizarre and completely unfamiliar to the lifestyle I was accustomed to. After nine months however, I began wishing the steers would join in on my one-sided conversations, as their big, beautiful, brown eyes were no longer quenching my social needs. The honeymoon was over and although I loved my country life, including all my precious, adopted, furry, family members, there was definitely something missing …and it didn't take too long to work out what that was.

All my adult life I had been employed in a service role, and to the best of my ability assisted people of all ages to heal and grow. This opportunity initially arose through a nursing capacity, later in the addictions arena. I worked for a Not For Profit Organisation for ten years, engaged in various, internal programs. My roles were challenging and fulfilling, yet often frustrating and at times also extremely heartbreaking. It was imperative I kept a regular health check on my mental and emotional barometer.

So here I was, suddenly immersed in the rawness of Mother Earth, happily soaking in the fresh, clean air, as the sun kissed my face. It was humbling and I was truly grateful, but was this now my purpose forever more; to nurture our land and animals? Would my life now consist of patching fences, making sure we stored sufficient fuel for our farm equipment and regularly turning the pump on to keep our cattle watered?

I contemplated this question for many months and suddenly one day it dawned on me, 'Yes, I was exactly where I was meant to be!'. I realised I had been granted the opportunity to recuperate from all the pain and suffering I had listened to for so many years, which had become my norm, day in, day out. My energy had constantly swayed between desperately wanting vulnerable, often broken, individuals to realise they matter, while keeping healthy, professional boundaries. It was an internal struggle at times, as I felt their debilitating pain. Perhaps then, this was my reward for having consistently and passionately chosen to assist others? A gift of solitude; being embraced by nature's peacefulness and healing. Once I acknowledged this new understanding to be true, I actually found it quite easy to savour each moment in nature by being mindfully present. However, the niggling feeling to help people and to promote positively continued.

After considering how I could possibly still have a voice for those who would choose to listen, while working our farm, I remembered how in the past I loved to pen my words. In fact, I lived and breathed writing throughout my younger years. My journal was my most trusted friend, which supported me through challenging, teenage years. I even tried my hand at writing poems! 'Maybe the vast internet would be a wonderful and appropriate venue to share my knowledge?', I thought.

I finally decided to start a blog. Not so much a running commentary, but a non-fiction story journal, documenting my experiences. It's perfect for me here on the farm! When I find the time, which is often in short bursts between necessary farm chores, I step into my own, authentic world. I feel time then stands still, yet in reality passes so quickly. I predominantly write about my personal encounters, ones people can surely relate to. As the words unfold the content magically falls into perspective and I gain an awareness of rhyme and reason. My focus is to promote a sense of 'journeying together', and to bring comfort, hope, growth and understanding through messages the reader perhaps recognises in his or her own life. Topics vary as significant experiences happen throughout my weeks. If my intuition tells me there is benefit in sharing my, often very personal, occurrences, I will happily do so.

These days my shoulders are a touch lighter and carry contrasting concerns, such as my fear of snakes and our fluff balls coming together, or our house water pump breaking down, which means we have no water! Worse still, the need for rain when drought happens. I think the thoughts of a farmer now, however I continue to want to make a difference in this beautiful world of ours, if only small. I still wish for those, who are lacking in self worth and direction, to find peace and self love. I believe low self esteem is the root cause of most of the issues we humans face. I most certainly advocate to look within and to listen in an attempt to live as true to ourselves as possible. I pray people discover what it is that makes their heart sing and find the courage to pursue it. Each day brings a new gift of learning and my daily goal is to grow a little more insightful than I was yesterday; to be a better person than I was yesterday ...and to write as often as I am able. There is once again a satisfying purpose to my otherwise busy lifestyle and with only a pen and paper or laptop needed, I am able to visit 'my happy place' whenever I wish to …and I am truly thankful for that.

'May you find your happy place too'.

A Precious, Insightful Adventure....

As I sat comfortably with my eyes closed, palms facing upwards resting in my lap, I sank further and further into a beautiful, relaxed state, while listening to Leanda's gentle voice guiding me into a meditation. I heard the words, 'An adventure awaits', and then silence…..

I am standing in a glorious forest, among brilliant, ancient oak and maple trees, which are shedding their magnificent array of colored leaves, blanketing the ground in crimson and gold. Sunlight attempts to stream through the spaces between thick branches, and although some light succeeds in coming through, it's not enough to warm the woods or lift the moisture. There is a freshness in the air; a damp, earthy smell. I hear birds happily singing tunes and communicating with each other, while animals and insects, oblivious to my presence, are scurrying along their merry way. It feels like mid Autumn.

Suddenly I notice a little girl with dark pigtails approaching. She's so gorgeous! She's four years old (not sure how I know that, I just do), and she's wearing a red, woollen, knee length skirt, black tights and cute, black ankle boots, while her upper body is warmed by a dark jumper under a red and black, chequered coat. I can't help but notice her olive skinned face is lit up with a huge smile as she approaches; her beautiful brown eyes piercing straight into mine.

I feel she knows me well and isn't startled by my presence. She takes my hand and ushers me to join her, as her little legs start running, then skipping through the carpet of leaves, all the while squealing with delight. We continue on for a few moments, when she gently pulls my other hand near and grabs on. Now we're shuffling sideways around and around in a quick moving circle, dancing with the ground leaves and watching them spin. The cheeky little munchkin is now throwing her head back, laughing uncontrollably and completely trusting I won't allow her to fall. I shuffle a little faster, tighten my hand grip and she becomes airborne. Observing the pure joy she emanates melts my heart. In fact, she is joy. ….and it's true, I would never let her fall.

We slow down, then pause to regain our balance. Her chubby cheeks are rosier and her eyes are twinkling. She bends down and scoops up handfuls of leaves, throwing them in the air, giggling and laughing as she watches them raining down overhead. She seems to be predominantly amusing herself, yet is keen to share her experience by looking my way often, as if to say in wonder, 'Look at me! Isn't this fun?'

My time is up now. The little girl senses this and with acknowledgement, looks up with those mesmerising, deep, brown eyes. How I love her so. She pulls at the leg of my pants, asking I crouch down to her height. As I do, she places her comforting, young, agile arms around my neck and proceeds to squeeze me ever so tightly. Without words, as there are no words needed, she impresses upon me:

'I am you and you are me. Life is to be enjoyed. Please remember me often, as I am always here'.

She kisses my cheek, turns and skips away as quickly as she appeared, leaving me emotionally overflowing with love and gratitude. I open my eyes and return to my familiar room, aware of my physical surroundings and newly gained, precious insight.

Each moment I have felt overwhelmed since this meditation, due to placing habitual pressure on myself, instantly my adventure has sprung to mind. This beautiful visualisation immediately offers a sense of peace, and I am instantly grounded as I see, through my mind's eye, a little girl's cheeky wink!

'I pledge I will no longer ignore you, my little ray of sunshine'.

My Favorite Childhood Past Time

I have been prompted to share what it was that I loved to do as a child and today, while I went about my daily work, I spent hours reminiscing. There are many wonderful (and not so wonderful), memories that came up for me. Most were of happily spending time alone in my bedroom, entertaining myself in fun, imaginary worlds. I've also always loved to read ever since I can remember, and believe I owned just about every Enid Blyton publication there was. Each birthday and Christmas I could excitedly count on a new fairy tale or adventure to lose myself in, written by this creative children's author.

I adored listening to pop music I discovered through mainstream radio, which often statically sounded through a small radio/cassette player I had been given as a young child. I would enjoy listening to my favorite bands, such as The Bay City Rollers (anyone remember them?), and would sit for hours in solitude scrap booking any pictures of the band I could lay my hands on. However, if I am completely honest, 'eating' was my absolute favorite thing to do in the whole world!

At age five, I have a very distinctive memory of sitting on a large trunk at a train station, my legs dangling down the side, eating a home made sandwich my mother had packed for our trip. This trunk carried my whole family's physical existence. My parents, my two older brothers and I were embarking on a life-changing journey, which would lead us across the seas to our new home, Australia. We were catching a train within Germany to the harbour, where our ship awaited us, and mum had prepared some sandwiches in case anyone felt hungry along the way. We'd only just left home and were waiting for our train at the station when I was ready for a bite to eat!

Most of my initial childhood memories revolve around food. It seemed to play an important and useful tool while I was growing up. It didn't matter if it was savoury or sweet food. I loved the instant gratification eating gave me. It was my dearest friend when I was lonely, sad, angry, upset, confused, embarrassed or frightened. However, I also enjoyed devouring food when I was happy. Any reason was a good time to eat.

No other family member seemed to share this dysfunctional relationship and I still to this day wonder if I was born with the 'food gene' (as crazy as that may sound). No one in my family picked up on my food issues either. I guess, as I was always tall for my age, still growing and constantly active, I wasn't ever worryingly overweight until eventually at age sixteen when I did stop growing – and started expanding outwards. Then all the bingeing consequences suddenly caught up with me and as a teenager I found myself struggling to deal with hormonal changes, body image, self esteem, boys, bullying and weight gain. I would gather all those uncomfortable feelings and shove them into chocolate, or potato chips, or Vegemite toast and eat them up! This was my way of combating my issues, and it worked, until my mouth was once again empty. Needless to say, I entered into a vicious cycle, which became my nightmare and brought with it so much despair.

However, that was many years ago now. I grew up, realised my life was in my own hands and at some point took responsibility for my actions. I still enjoy food immensely and could probably still sit and eat all day (although I doubt my stomach would cope now), however I choose not to. Today I attempt to eat only when I'm hungry and as healthy a cuisine as possible, although sometimes I do indulge in little treats. No one's perfect!

Indeed, A Lovely Surprise…

I shuffled my Cat Wisdom Angel Cards, praying my beloved Oscar would communicate a personal message. Our Oscar was a stunning, light-ginger colored, eight year old feline, who passed over three years ago today, due to an unforeseeable illness. How vividly I remember the details and the pain of that emotional day, forever etched within my soul. I still love and miss him dearly, and although I have many adorable animals in my care, he will always remain my special boy.
 

I choose to shuffle the cards nine times, for nine cat lives, and this particular day was no different. I had nearly completed the shuffle, when the 'Surprise' card jumped out of the deck and landed on the floor at my feet. I instinctively knew this was my intended message. The accompanying booklet assured me I would soon receive a pleasant surprise. 'Mmmmm, I wonder?', I thought, feeling intrigued.

The last six months or so, I've been predominantly concentrating on farm and home tasks, as well as supporting loved ones to the best of my ability, who are courageously travelling down challenging roads on their journeys. These beautiful souls are completely inspiring and put life in its rightful perspective time and time again. Add taking care of my furry family members on a daily basis and before I know it, the moon has risen and another day draws to a close.
 

I am more than happy to be in this serving role, as it brings me great joy, yet my soul longs to fulfil passions, presently ignored, and ones which make my heart sing. I am reminded of this often through constant, various subtle, sometimes sledge-hammer style, signs. I don't believe it's to minimise or discard my daily ventures, but to 'let go' of my programmed thinking and to allow myself time to wholeheartedly embrace my core wishes, which at times almost scream at me to take notice.
 

You see, I am one to try and accomplish as much as possible today, as you never know what tomorrow will bring. That's all well and good, however, on a farm there is always something pressing to tend to. It's a never ending saga. This fact was a huge struggle for me to accept when I initially moved from the city, which had been my home for thirty-five years, to our farm in South Gippsland, leaving behind a full-time employment position, along with my independence. However, that's another story.
 

So, the signs have been constant to return to creative writing. Something I dearly love to lose myself in. I acknowledge each prompt, thank Spirit and file it to the back of my mind (my subjective to-do-list), promising to become proactive in the near future, yet of course, the near future is always one step away!

However, to my absolute delight, the surprise Oscar informed me of through the Wisdom Cards, came to fruition this week. Suddenly, via social media, Sound & Story, (a closed, unique group for those who love immersing self in their creativity), invited me to join. 'Wow, perfect!', I thought. I was overcome with emotion and knew Spirit was behind this unexpected offer to finally urge me to start writing again. I laughed out loud, thinking how clever Spirit is. If they can't convince me to consciously nourish myself with soul food, they will nudge me toward a wonderful, supportive and motivating group; one I am accountable to, as they know how reliable I am, (which, by the way, can personally prove to be quite detrimental at times!).

So, here I go….
 

Sound & Story has suggested members take a few moments to sit in nature, and using all senses to describe how it feels. I choose to take a walk on our beautiful farm.
 

The wind is howling today, and it's cold. It silences for a moment, portraying the calm before the storm, then sensing the build up to yet another ferocious peak, it pushes across the damp land, strong and determined, affecting each plant, each branch, each blade of grass and each bird in its way by forcing it off balance - myself included. There are no butterflies or bees to be seen, which usually, happily dance among my rose bushes. The tails of the many, stacked silage wraps are flapping uncontrollably, like a disorganised symphony of plastic matter, and my rescue horse's rug is noticeably annoying him, as it won't sit still like it's supposed to, usually hugging his aged body.
 

Suddenly the sun appears, as if having parted a grey curtain of cloud to curiously peak through for a sneaky look. As she does, a beautiful, golden aura of light blankets my environment, and the warmth I feel I liken to a soothing and warm hug. I welcome her, as the wind has such power over me, encompassing my entire being with uncomfortable restlessness. It has been this way ever since I can remember.

I sit down on damp paddock grass where a group of our beautiful, multi-cultural cattle presently roam, who together create a rainbow of divine, earth colors. They keep a safe distance, yet gaze curiously in my direction. I close my eyes, and as the sun strokes my face one last time, a gust of wind follows with an undeserving slap. I am rudely awakened from my imaginary bubble of comfort, but manage to keep my eyes closed. I fasten the neck of my coat and continue to listen to my surroundings. I am not cold.
 

Birds are intermittently singing, or maybe more so, warning each other to take care. I can hear the water, which we pump up from the Tarwin River, loud and with unstoppable force, as it pours out like a fire hydant into our concrete tank, feeding our livestock through smaller gravity fed troughs. In fact, every so often I feel a splash on my face, which the wind has scooped up and separated from its volume, on its undisturbed journey. The air is so wonderfully fresh and crisp, cooling my airways just enough to sting a little. It smells so different to the air my inner child remembers from my city existence.  

By now my breath is quiet and shallow, almost still. I am deeply relaxed among nature's perfect noise and upheaval of today, and completely in the present moment. My whole being is calm and my body has become light, even difficult to fully sense. I feel no matter what would happen next, it wouldn't phase me. It would just 'be'. I can't help but be filled with overflowing and humbling gratitude.
 

I now sense I am not alone and I realise a few brave steers have come closer, no doubt, in an attempt to satisfy their curiosity. I know if I move suddenly, I will scare them, which is the last thing I wish to do. I slowly open my eyes and to my delight, I am surrounded by ten or so cattle. All big, beautiful, dark eyes staring at me! The seat of my work pants is somewhat wet and I feel it's time to move. I slowly make my way to my feet, which is enough for most of the steers to edge backwards with uncertainty. Once I am standing, sadly they disperse in all directions. However, I need to understand they are not pets.

As I make my way back to the house, the sky darkens and releases a shower of liquid gold to once again cleanse the wind blown earth, but my heart is filled with sunshine and my step is light. It's time to put pen to paper…

So, here I am, seated once again in my beautiful, safe, magical room. Do I possess a flare for the written word? I'm not at all sure, however my soul is singing as I write, and that is all that matters. Assisting my inspiration is Leanda Michelle's lovely, wafting oil aroma, (which my youngest fluff ball obviously loves too, as she's curled up right beside me on the desk), and I'm deliciously savouring every moment. I feel Spirit with me, smiling, celebrating, clapping their hands. Mission accomplished, so to speak. How wonderful life is....
 

Suddenly a familiar feeling of panic engulfs me. So much time has lapsed! There is so much to do and I have only completed a fraction of my intended chores today.

'But you know what?', I remind myself, ' There's always tomorrow…'

Manifestation

In last week's blog, I pondered over how much control we actually have over our lives, if any at all, or whether we create a blue print as such, while still 'at home' in the spirit world, documenting our life lessons we wish to execute in our physical bodies and work through before we arrive….

Today I'm touching on the subject of manifestation and how, through this technique, we can perhaps make our wishes come true (there goes my theory about our lifetime possibly being preordained!!!)

In short, manifestation is all about setting an intention, focussing explicitly on your desired outcome, while believing, visualising and wholeheartedly feeling your wish has come into fruition.

I must admit, I have occasionally and successfully experimented with this technique and it didn't take long for my desires to manifest at all. However, three very significant events in my life have happened, which all arose from a passing thought, having no weight behind them what so ever. In fact, all three were, 'Wouldn't it be nice, but will never happen to me', kind of thoughts! Let me explain….. (By the way, I'm sure I have more of these examples up my sleeve, but these ones come to mind instantly).

Twenty-two years ago, after travelling and residing overseas for five or so years, I returned home to find a family member in the throws of a serious addiction. I won't go into all the ins and outs, however this family member consequently entered a rehabilitation unit.

I remember initially visiting my loved one in the rehab, and after a very short time, the thought occurred to me, 'I could easily see myself working in an institution such as this'. The following thought put the first thought immediately to bed, being, 'But I don't have enough credentials and these places are really hard to get into'. Nothing like shutting yourself down. I was always good at that – until I woke up!

Six months later, I successfully applied for a position in a detox centre established by an international not-for-profit organisation, planting the seed for what proved to be a thirteen year career in the addictions field. I did not see that coming at all!

A few years in, I again had a passing thought one day of, 'Wouldn't it be wonderful to drive a company car, but that would never happen to me, plus my position doesn't justify a vehicle anyway'. Well, another year on, I was given an opportunity, within the same organisation, to set up a new program, and yes, as the work was predominantly outreach, a company car was granted. I again never would have believed it….

However, probably the most significant event that has come into fruition, is I now live in the country, close to a beautiful beach. I grew up in the south eastern suburbs of Melbourne, and over most of my life, the thought of residing somewhere rural, near the sea was always enticing. I never actually cemented this desire into a goal, never worked towards it, and I honestly didn't think this would eventuate. However, low and behold, it just fell into place without any effort at all. My now husband, whom I met in Melbourne, was initially from the country and we eventually returned and now live in a beautiful environment with many furry children, whom we dearly love.

So, I'm really none the wiser.

Manifestation definitely works, as I mentioned. I've proven this technique to myself on numerous occasions. I religiously followed the guidelines by completely drowning myself into the outcome I was wanting, and my effort was rewarded by receiving my wish.

I remember one time I desperately wanted a particular person to call me, completely against the odds, and they did, not long after I applied the manifestation technique. Unfortunately, other examples escape me presently, however I know there were more. Yet, other times, infrequent, passing thoughts, loaded with insecurities, have somehow manifested as well, much to my delight.

So, again, maybe we do have that 'blue print' I have been speaking of. Maybe we actually record various life paths, still offering the desired life lessons, but through different circumstances/avenues, where we can then chose which ones we prefer to travel when in our physical body. I could have easily remained in Europe and married my then partner; the path being completely different to my life today! Did I subconsciously manifest my return home?

Maybe, our desires/wants are documented in the blueprint too, and by using the manifestation technique, we are able to enjoy them sooner, while my non-intentional manifestations were also inevitable and manifested themselves when the timing was right. There are so many 'maybes' and I guess we could go on and on, attempting to explore and seek the truth, turning every situation on its head and inside out!

I crossed paths with a lovely woman about fifteen years ago. Actually she was massaging me with her powerful, healing hands. We shared a fairly short, interesting chat about the spirit world and all the help and opportunities available and offered to us on a daily basis. The more we spoke, the more excited I became and was ready for a deep, intriguing conversation, as I adore hearing other peoples' opinions and beliefs about spirit. Suddenly her hands stopped their rhythmical movements across my back and I heard her voice profoundly say:

' In the past, I spent years delving into spiritual laws,

meditating and socialising only with spiritualist etc,.

and I suddenly decided I needed to live life here in the physical,

and be present in the physical as best I can,

as the spiritual laws can wait until I return home.

I'm here to live a physical life,

so why attempt to keep my head in the clouds?

I have so much to do here,

and an eternity of spiritual living ahead of me.

It can wait!'

That stopped me in my tracks at the time and I've never forgotten her words since.

Maybe (here I go again!), she has a point!…...