A Precious, Insightful Adventure....

As I sat comfortably with my eyes closed, palms facing upwards resting in my lap, I sank further and further into a beautiful, relaxed state, while listening to Leanda's gentle voice guiding me into a meditation. I heard the words, 'An adventure awaits', and then silence…..

I am standing in a glorious forest, among brilliant, ancient oak and maple trees, which are shedding their magnificent array of colored leaves, blanketing the ground in crimson and gold. Sunlight attempts to stream through the spaces between thick branches, and although some light succeeds in coming through, it's not enough to warm the woods or lift the moisture. There is a freshness in the air; a damp, earthy smell. I hear birds happily singing tunes and communicating with each other, while animals and insects, oblivious to my presence, are scurrying along their merry way. It feels like mid Autumn.

Suddenly I notice a little girl with dark pigtails approaching. She's so gorgeous! She's four years old (not sure how I know that, I just do), and she's wearing a red, woollen, knee length skirt, black tights and cute, black ankle boots, while her upper body is warmed by a dark jumper under a red and black, chequered coat. I can't help but notice her olive skinned face is lit up with a huge smile as she approaches; her beautiful brown eyes piercing straight into mine.

I feel she knows me well and isn't startled by my presence. She takes my hand and ushers me to join her, as her little legs start running, then skipping through the carpet of leaves, all the while squealing with delight. We continue on for a few moments, when she gently pulls my other hand near and grabs on. Now we're shuffling sideways around and around in a quick moving circle, dancing with the ground leaves and watching them spin. The cheeky little munchkin is now throwing her head back, laughing uncontrollably and completely trusting I won't allow her to fall. I shuffle a little faster, tighten my hand grip and she becomes airborne. Observing the pure joy she emanates melts my heart. In fact, she is joy. ….and it's true, I would never let her fall.

We slow down, then pause to regain our balance. Her chubby cheeks are rosier and her eyes are twinkling. She bends down and scoops up handfuls of leaves, throwing them in the air, giggling and laughing as she watches them raining down overhead. She seems to be predominantly amusing herself, yet is keen to share her experience by looking my way often, as if to say in wonder, 'Look at me! Isn't this fun?'

My time is up now. The little girl senses this and with acknowledgement, looks up with those mesmerising, deep, brown eyes. How I love her so. She pulls at the leg of my pants, asking I crouch down to her height. As I do, she places her comforting, young, agile arms around my neck and proceeds to squeeze me ever so tightly. Without words, as there are no words needed, she impresses upon me:

'I am you and you are me. Life is to be enjoyed. Please remember me often, as I am always here'.

She kisses my cheek, turns and skips away as quickly as she appeared, leaving me emotionally overflowing with love and gratitude. I open my eyes and return to my familiar room, aware of my physical surroundings and newly gained, precious insight.

Each moment I have felt overwhelmed since this meditation, due to placing habitual pressure on myself, instantly my adventure has sprung to mind. This beautiful visualisation immediately offers a sense of peace, and I am instantly grounded as I see, through my mind's eye, a little girl's cheeky wink!

'I pledge I will no longer ignore you, my little ray of sunshine'.

My Favorite Childhood Past Time

I have been prompted to share what it was that I loved to do as a child and today, while I went about my daily work, I spent hours reminiscing. There are many wonderful (and not so wonderful), memories that came up for me. Most were of happily spending time alone in my bedroom, entertaining myself in fun, imaginary worlds. I've also always loved to read ever since I can remember, and believe I owned just about every Enid Blyton publication there was. Each birthday and Christmas I could excitedly count on a new fairy tale or adventure to lose myself in, written by this creative children's author.

I adored listening to pop music I discovered through mainstream radio, which often statically sounded through a small radio/cassette player I had been given as a young child. I would enjoy listening to my favorite bands, such as The Bay City Rollers (anyone remember them?), and would sit for hours in solitude scrap booking any pictures of the band I could lay my hands on. However, if I am completely honest, 'eating' was my absolute favorite thing to do in the whole world!

At age five, I have a very distinctive memory of sitting on a large trunk at a train station, my legs dangling down the side, eating a home made sandwich my mother had packed for our trip. This trunk carried my whole family's physical existence. My parents, my two older brothers and I were embarking on a life-changing journey, which would lead us across the seas to our new home, Australia. We were catching a train within Germany to the harbour, where our ship awaited us, and mum had prepared some sandwiches in case anyone felt hungry along the way. We'd only just left home and were waiting for our train at the station when I was ready for a bite to eat!

Most of my initial childhood memories revolve around food. It seemed to play an important and useful tool while I was growing up. It didn't matter if it was savoury or sweet food. I loved the instant gratification eating gave me. It was my dearest friend when I was lonely, sad, angry, upset, confused, embarrassed or frightened. However, I also enjoyed devouring food when I was happy. Any reason was a good time to eat.

No other family member seemed to share this dysfunctional relationship and I still to this day wonder if I was born with the 'food gene' (as crazy as that may sound). No one in my family picked up on my food issues either. I guess, as I was always tall for my age, still growing and constantly active, I wasn't ever worryingly overweight until eventually at age sixteen when I did stop growing – and started expanding outwards. Then all the bingeing consequences suddenly caught up with me and as a teenager I found myself struggling to deal with hormonal changes, body image, self esteem, boys, bullying and weight gain. I would gather all those uncomfortable feelings and shove them into chocolate, or potato chips, or Vegemite toast and eat them up! This was my way of combating my issues, and it worked, until my mouth was once again empty. Needless to say, I entered into a vicious cycle, which became my nightmare and brought with it so much despair.

However, that was many years ago now. I grew up, realised my life was in my own hands and at some point took responsibility for my actions. I still enjoy food immensely and could probably still sit and eat all day (although I doubt my stomach would cope now), however I choose not to. Today I attempt to eat only when I'm hungry and as healthy a cuisine as possible, although sometimes I do indulge in little treats. No one's perfect!