What's Going On?!

What the hell is wrong with me lately?!

I have a list of pending jobs to attack an arm's length long, but  no enthusiasm.

I fluff around dragging my sorry backside, as if it weighes a tonne,  barely completeing my necessary, farm chores.

What's going on?!

I'm usually like a bull at a gate, planning my days to overflow with productivity. I'm known as the type of person who 'Doesn't put off until tomorrow what I can do today, because I never know what tomorrow brings'.

It seems that phrase has gone straight down the gurgler ...

So why am I feeling so lethargic and unenthused presently? Is it because I am emotionally and physically exhausted?

I don't believe so.

Is it because I am subconsciously sensing the global uneasiness, anxiety and devastation this unforeseen Corona virus is provoking?

This could definitely be the case. I tend to pick up on energies easily.

Is it because I feel somewhat incarcerated within my five star prison cell?

I shouldn't be, as I'm fortunate to enjoy nearly 200, lushious acres of backyard.

Is it because social distancing and self isolation is causing  loneliness? Do I quite simply miss my friends?

Yes, of course I do.

Do I long for the freedom to shop, visit or even travel abroad to any location I wish?

 Well yes.

My planned reunion with family residing overseas in my happy place, is now postponed, thanks to this wrethched pandemic.

That certainly deflates me.

Maybe I am not pulling my finger out because I know for a fact, no one will be visiting our farm in the near future?

Mind you, I hope that's not the case! I'm not one to inspire the neighbors. I work to impress myself and my husband; for the upkeep and improvement of our property.

Are my middle-aged hormones throwing a party without warning or inviting me?

That could very well be true.                 

I don't know exactly why I'm so blasé, but I've decided, if I can, to go with the flow. Fighting my unpleasant feelings causes tremendous frustratration and annoyance. Self criticism is certainly not a helpful tool for my mental state. Continuing to beat myself up emotionally will only worsen the situation.

I'm often reminded to be more gentle with myself ... I should take heed.

I'm sure this too will pass.

Time for a cuppa 😊.