I find myself reflecting today. Flashbacks of my colourful past interchange with possibilities of my future like a revolving, old fashioned kaleidoscope. One I remember owning as a child.
Brilliant, coordinated rainbow images sporadically appear, interwoven with darker shades to accentuate the extensive, melancholic piece of my soul. I'm aware of the ample, ungoverned grief I carry, lingering silently throughout my heart like spider veins. I have learned to accept and embrace the residue of sorrows as pieces of my incarnated jigsaw puzzle.
Clutching a coffee, I sit down on the hard, timber bench in the carpark, strategically placed to admire the vast, sparkling ocean before me. It's a picture-perfect day and I take in the magnificent, intoxicating sight.
The sweeping beach is completely isolated bar a few visiting seagulls. The tide looks to be declining, as the sand appears largely wet and smooth, imprinting the birds' webbed feet as they dance. The salt water had earlier, laboriously it seems, touched the edges of the sand dunes to now let go and surrender to the pulse of the earth. It leaves proof of its industrious energy along the coastline with gifts of drift wood and seaweed.
The retreating waves now placidly roll into the shore and gently break in shallow waters. Their diamond blue colour alters to a brown tinge as it scoops up the sand and swirls it around, similar to a washing machine cycle.
As I look afar, the inconceivable colorations of blues meet in a straight line and unite distinctively at the horizon. There are no clouds to envision, but a mystical sea mist is faintly beginning to waft in the far distance.
As I take another sip of my coffee, a slight breeze arrives and blends in with the serene ambiance, cooling my sun-cocooned body. I feel the back of my neck beginning to sting a little from the glorious, but intense rays. I'm aware of the sun's danger, but how wonderful if feels to be hugged by comforting warmth.
As I absorb the beautiful setting, I become almost hypnotised from its rhythmic heartbeat. The gentle waves continuously roll in and voice calming, welcoming notes. Ones that resonate with my own vibration and impress a reassuring justification of my life's choices. I feel heartened all is as it was intended.
I deeply inhale the fresh, healing, sea air and my body instantly slows and alleviates my questioning, swirling thoughts. I realise every decision I've made, has guided me to this point in time. I acknowledge I could easily have journeyed down differing roads had I chosen otherwise when faced with cross sections. However, significant circumstances were also occasionally out of my control, influenced by outside forces. These events dramatically changed my life story - more than once. Sometimes I still silently wonder, what if ...
Do I wear regrets? Some. These revolve mostly around not standing up for myself to retain the peace of my environment. By remaining passive, I assured myself I was the bigger person. Yet I have learned otherwise. Too often have I sacrificed myself for others' egos. 'Confrontational' is a rare adjective to describe my character, but at times I understand it's essential to calmly bare my soul in favour of personal dignity, self respect and a desire to be heard. I can thank time, growth and maturity for this insight.
I drink the last mouthful of my coffee and feel thankful for all the incredible, meaningful footprints impressed over decades upon my soul. I may not be wealthy, but I am overflowing with abundance at heart.
As I enter my autumn years, I know many more surprises will appear from left field. Some will be exhilarating, others not so much. However, I'm sure each one will reap the rewards of my reactions because I am strong of body and mind. I have a lifetime of grooming and training under my belt and no matter what may eventuate, I know I can conquer anything that is thrown my way. As the powerful whisper of the expansive ocean confirms and encourages my belief, I feel triumphant and an all-consuming peace.
Suddenly, I am surprised by a woman wearing a wide-brimmed hat. Not noticing her on the beach, she had climbed up the relatively steep stairs to return to her awaiting car in the parking lot. "Hello. Beautiful day!" I enthusiastically say. "It's perfect," she answers with a smile. "Are you from Melbourne?" she asks. I wonder whether this question passes over her lips because my jubilation is obvious. Maybe I give her the impression I am admiring this magnificent view for the first time. Perhaps, in a sense I am. "No," I answer, "I'm fortunate to live in this beautiful area." "You lucky thing," she replies as she heads towards her vehicle. "Yes, I truly am," I agree.
I would at this point in time love nothing more than to scurry down to the beach and plunge into the beckoning ocean, clothes and all, however it is time to leave for work. I drive off feeling an enormous amount of gratitude for the elixir of nature and my unassuming role within its compelling entirety.
Yes, I am indeed extremely lucky.
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