Mid Life Madness

What is it about mid life that can turn people into deceptive, secretive and unattractive beings?

Are they waking one spontaneous day, overwhelmed by the sudden realisation of their ageing process, questioning their mortality? Do they suddenly experience fears of having regrets, of missing out, or of dying before all dreams and goals have been accomplished?

Are they perceiving family life, with all its responsibilities and pressures, not to be what they wished for after all, and would like nothing more than to run away into oblivion, searching for a second chance? Or have they followed their passion and accomplished their long term goals remarkably and admirably well, only to be confronted with stagnation once reaching their pinnacle.

Maybe their partner, whom they initially adored and who has walked beside them through thick and thin over many years, suddenly wears facial lines they hadn't noticed until now. They realise she/he has become a comfortable, familiar friend, completely dependable and supportive, yet where's the unpredictable physical and mental excitement gone? There's a staleness in the air. It doesn't cross their minds their loved ones may be perceiving them in the same way.

Suddenly life seems so short. They panic!

There is so much they wish to learn, to accomplish, to discover, to challenge them, to strive for and to succeed in; so may people they have yet to connect with, on whichever levels present. So many opportunities not to be missed, ignored or wasted. They must act now, before it's too late, before their ship has sailed.

They're feeling frustrated, discontented, wrestling with private thoughts of possible, various solutions. There are options, all is not lost. They could continue with the norm, without rocking their predictable, secure life (divorce is expensive), while adding some spice to keep them on their toes, stimulated and in anticipation of spontaneous, delicious, secret rendezvous. The attention of a younger, prettier woman or a sexy, young, fit man stroking their ego is attractively seductive and tempting. They would feel alive for the first time in a long while and the sex would be mind-blowing! Yes, they could have their cake and eat it too, no one would find out. They would be sure to be discreet… until it all explodes in their face – as it always eventually does.

Surely your loved one of many years is worth more than this example of disrespectful deception? Surely?!

(Not to mention the fact that in the heat of a passionate, careless moment, you may possibly bring your spouse home an extremely, unwanted gift, which will impact both your lives forever more).

This topic reminds me of my late father's words. He was a wise, humble man of simple, raw needs and minimal words, but when he spoke, you listened - really listened. He once told me he would never, ever jeopardise his many years of marriage to my mother for a bit of half hour fun with another woman. It just wasn't worth it! These words have been cemented in my head for over twenty years, and like my dad, are words I choose to live by. That's just me. I spoke my vows and I have since taken them seriously. I enjoy my sleep at night!

I believe toying with the above option to satisfy your personal needs and wants, only proves there is a major communication lapse within the relationship (or maybe you just don't realise for every action, there's a reaction). This sort of behaviour and thinking eradicates trust. Without trust there's no relationship to speak of. End of story.

I'm sure many individuals experience and stumble through confusing mid life questions. It's true, you reach the age of fifty years and wonder where the hell those years have gone, especially as you still think like a young person. I mean, how are you meant to think at fifty? More than half your life is over and who knows how many years are left in your contract? Friends younger than you have already sadly, suddenly passed.

You reminisce about the life you've chosen (or has sometimes chosen you), and the long, meandering road you've taken with your partner. So much history of diverse highs and lows, and all those amazing goals, which seemed like mountains to climb many years ago, have been successfully achieved. Through commitment, enthusiasm and plain old hard work, you've accomplished what you set out to do – as a well-oiled team. You can now sit back and reap the rewards of your labour.

But no, a soft, niggling voice inside, which becomes louder and louder, begins to question you over and over again. Am I truly where I am meant to be? Am I happy and content? Am I following my heart's desire? Am I speaking my truth? Does my spouse continue to satisfy me, or do I even still love her/him? Am I enjoying my work, my environment? Am I happy within myself, doing what I love? Do I even like and admire the person I am today?

These are significant questions to ponder over and ones which promote excellent conversation with your partner. Sharing and discussing these thoughts intermittently throughout your journey create informative, thought-provoking disclosure, whereby each party constantly knows where the other is at. If an issue arises, which needs addressing, jump on it early. Don't let it fester over years, causing silent resentment or even ill health to escalate. This way there are no surprises of waking up one morning to hear your husband announce he's leaving you for another woman or your wife doesn't love you anymore! Meaningful, emotionally-filled, raw intimate words keep you connected. Of course, this involves completely honest conversation, however if you're speaking with your partner, who is, after all, meant to be your best friend, then there shouldn't be problem!

If this isn't the case and you haven't spoken (really spoken), for a long while, find an appropriate time to be courageous anyway. You will feel a welcome weight lift from your shoulders, freeing you of negative emotional burdens. Your words may possibly inflict initial pain, however remaining silent with developing feelings of frustration or bitterness will only magnify the hurt. Once you reach a point of urgency, of no longer being able to keep quiet, words can turn nasty and explosive, which is just not necessary.

Be honest and by all means, listen to your heart and act on the prompts, as you remain respectful to the other person. Be empathetic, understanding and attempt to place yourselves in each other's shoes, even if just for a moment. Know life has a way of nudging you in particular directions if you're not 'listening'. It may seem overwhelming at the time, even heart-wrenching or devastating, and you may believe your nest is crumbling around you, however you're just not seeing what's around the corner and how pleasantly surprised you may be. Trust…

This quality exchange of authentic words could very well once again bring you closer together; seeing each other in a different light, in a pleasing, stimulating, new way. Hearing heart-felt thoughts spoken may astonish you, as you sadly realise you were oblivious to how the other was feeling. Regular communication is the key. Once you're both enlightened, possibly on the same page, may this be the first, loving day of the rest of your spring-cleaned marriage. You must always look after and nurture that which is important and valuable to you, otherwise it will eventually break to the point of no return.

However, whichever way life may unfold, always remember as one door closes, another one always opens.

Trust in life, trust in yourself, listen often and know, no matter what happens, you will be ok.