I Quit Standing In My Own Way.....

I quit worrying over events that haven't even happened yet and most probably never will! I can create endless anxiety and emotional turmoil for myself by imagining various different negative scenarios that may happen – or not. What a waste of time and energy!

I quit trying to control my surrounding environment and loved ones. I can't help it if I'm late for an appointment because I am stuck in traffic. I can't help it if my husband comes home grumpy because he has had a bad day. I can't control my cat coming into contact with a snake on our farm. These situations can cause negative responses, however it's out of my control!

I quit fearing the unknown, or failure or success etc. Why should I let myself be my own worst enemy? I will not let fear stand in my way any longer. It is debilitating and detrimental and the obstacle that I have in the past allowed to cloud me of amazing opportunities.

From now on I will take this short life by the horns and with confidence and trust in myself, will not only look each new opportunity in the eye, but I will actively seek them out. I will stand tall and walk forward fearlessly and I will endeavor to be the best person I can be at any given moment. Some moments may vary, however as long as I am doing my best, that is all that matters. Then I will let go and have faith that life will meet me half way with inspiring and wonderful possibilities. I will also teach myself to stay in the moment instead of projecting into the future and missing the here and now. My beautiful animals role model this lesson to me every day.

I have realised my life is created by my thoughts. In order to have a 'good' life, I need to keep my thoughts positive. Yes, this may be challenging at times, however it can be managed with practice. I will give my all to succeed at this amazing adventure called life, as it is over in a blink of an eye, and I don't want to waste a single second by standing in my own way. 

I quit fear.....and I will do my utmost to remind myself of this each new day I awake.

 

 

My Very First Friend...

I believe if we are bonded with certain people (souls), we stay bonded regardless of whether we physically see each other or not.....and when we do meet up again if contact has been lost, it's as though we'd only spoken yesterday..... 


I was bombed with an amazing surprise this week that has left me warm and fuzzily delving into the past for the last few days. Through Face Book, amongst the pros and cons of social media, I linked up with a dear, long lost girlfriend. In fact, my very first friend!

I commenced primary school in Australia half way through grade prep and couldn't speak a word of English. The teacher buddied me up with Christine to be introduced to the school facilities, such as the toilets. The other children initially teased me, being 'the strange new girl with the even stranger language', but my beautiful new friend always had my back.

Christine and I completed primary and high school together and were the best of friends. Everyone always knew where one of us was, the other wasn't far away. We danced through the enjoyable, challenging, sometimes a little dangerous teenage years together and were always there for each other to either console or to celebrate the various experiences that presented.

However, as life happens, we lost touch. Christine married, while I travelled overseas and resided in Europe for six years. Then, after I returned we did find each other again, although I can't even remember how! I do remember Chrissy had given birth to two beautiful children, who were then five and two years old. Shortly after our reunion, she and her family moved to Hong Kong for a few years and again we lost contact (there was no social media then, or I hadn't discovered it. I'm not sure which).

That was many years ago and I would often think of my beautiful friend. Finally, after family and friends had attempted for many months (or years) to introduce me to Face Book, I decided to jump on board! I was dubious though, as there were already not enough hours in my day. How would I fit Face Book in too? But I caved and I joined up. It took a while, however I re-found Christine, as well as a couple of mutual friends I hadn't seen for around thirty-five years!!

So the four of us arranged a dinner date and spent the evening reminiscing about our youth. There were lots of laughs amongst some initial tears. It was so amazing to see Christine again and our long lost, old friends. No one had really changed appearances, except of course for the greying hair and laugh lines around the eyes. It was surreal and so very special.

Chrissy and I both turned fifty years old this month, (I would remember her birthday every year) and we were able to celebrate our milestones together – on her birthday. I was also fortunate to see her whole, lovely family again, who were a huge part of my childhood.

So, Chrissy and I have made a pact, which is never to lose contact again – ever! There's no excuse for it any more. Chris lives interstate these days, yet comes across and visits her family quite regularly. I'm sure I will find the time to drive up to the city to meet her on occasions, in fact I look forward to it :)

 

 

Family Echoes....

I wish I had some wonderful memories of my grandparents, of visiting them in the school holidays, being spoiled and cuddled endlessly as a child. However this is sadly not the case.

My family immigrated from Germany to Australia in 1971. I was just five years old, the youngest child of three and only daughter. We left behind my grandmothers, who from this time period, I have no recollection of.

In 1975, my mother and I returned to Germany for six weeks. As I was then nine years old, I can remember quite clearly visiting my father's mother. I remember sitting at a small table, my mother, my grandmother and I, enjoying afternoon tea in my grandmother's quaint, prim and proper home, situated in a large northern city. Actually, what I recall only too well is gently kicking my mum under the table numerous times and letting her know in no uncertain terms that I was bored and very much wanted to leave!

My grandmother (Kate) had a proud and stern demeanour, or so it seemed to my young mind. My understanding is she never completely accepted my mother as being my father's chosen bride, however I am told no woman would have been good enough for my dad in my grandmother's eyes.

I was in primary school when she passed away in her early seventies from Parkinsons disease.

During the trip to Germany, my mother and I resided mostly with mum's mother (Erica). She owned a hotel in a beautiful little southern country town (my mother's birth place), which she had, together with her husband – my grandfather – hand built of rocks.

I remember her sitting at one of the tables in the corner of the hotel with both legs outstretched on a chair before her. I later learned she had numerous medical issues concerning her heart, and one of the prominent symptoms at the time was serious swelling in her legs. As a young child I also recall her always looking somewhat sad.

My grandmother had given birth to five children, and during her hospital stay and in labour with her fifth child, my grandfather packed up his belongings and left her for a younger woman! Grandmother had no choice, but to manage the hotel and parent her children alone.

My mother, who was the oldest and a teenager by then, became her youngest sister's 'mother' for the first two years of life, while in the evenings she was expected to help out in the busy tavern.

I never met my mother's father (Otto). I believe he lived somewhere in Germany and died in his eighties some years ago through natural causes. My grandmother passed away peacefully in hospital from heart failure at the young age of sixty-two. However, they say she died from a 'broken heart', as she never emotionally recovered from her husband's abandonment.

My father's father (Heinrich) was a respected, prominent school teacher. It was during World War ll, my father's family was in the process of fleeing from the Russians. Times had been so tough and food was scarce. My father used to tell me tales of how, as a thirteen year old, he would steal bread or potatoes whenever the opportunity arose to help feed his family.

Grandfather died from malnutrition on a Christmas Eve, in my father's arms on a fleeing train. He had been a solid, tall, fit man and at the time of his passing, appeared like a walking skeleton. Many people lost their lives this way, and many had become too weak to fight illnesses.

I can't imagine, even for a second, how soul-destroying and painful that era must have been.

I would have dearly loved to have known all my grandparents well, especially my father's father. I feel my connection with him is the strongest, even in death.

However, I will cherish the stories and memories handed down from my parents and keep my grandparents in a special place in my heart, regardless of circumstances that happened....

 

 

　

　

Our Beautiful Baldy....

Sadly last week we lost our beautiful, quarter horse, Baldy.

Our hearts are heavy, his paddock is bare and the farm is now incomplete....

Baldy was born in1993 and at five years of age was bought at a horse sale in Tamworth by my father in law, who at the time was under the influence of alcohol and had no recollection of his purchase until the following day. Trained and ridden by my then teenage brother in law (Luke Hullick), he proved himself to be an excellent cutting horse. Cutting is a western style equestrian competition in which a horse and rider work as a team before a judge or panel of judges to demonstrate the horse's athleticism and ability to handle cattle during a two and a half minute performance.

Baldy (known as Baldy Freckles when working), together with Luke, won many prestigious awards over his eight year working life, such as certificates of merit, of ability, a few thousand dollars in prize money, a western saddle and mostly always finished amongst the top three entrants. His muscular, stocky physique gave him the strength to become a champion, while his intelligence and understanding was astonishingly impressive. Although he was a gorgeous light chestnut color, Baldy was actually classed as a paint horse, due to his white tummy. However, you would have never noticed this unless he rolled in front of you.

In 2010 I arrived home one afternoon from work, poured myself a cuppa and ventured out onto our verandah for what I thought to be a well deserved break. Sipping my coffee, I nearly choked as I suddenly heard the neighing of a horse sounding across our farm, and as I looked up, there was Baldy, looking at me! I had wanted to own a horse since I was a little girl and at the age of forty-three my wish was finally granted (never say never!). Sixteen years old by then, Baldy needed a new, loving home, as the family was shifting from Northern Victoria to South Gippsland, and my husband felt this would be a perfect surprise for me, which it absolutely was. I was thrilled.

Baldy and I grew to know each other well and I adored him. He resided in our front paddock next to the farm drive-way and would greet us each time we returned home. I would spoil him with carrots (he would kill for), I would stroke and brush him whenever I could and I made sure his hooves were trimmed and oiled regularly. Every morning I would place his fly mask over his head to keep those wretched flies away and often I would apply sunscreen to his white nose. He didn't like it much, but his nose was prone to sunburn. He was my responsibility, my friend, and he deserved all the care, love, attention and nurturing I could possibly give him in his retirement. He had worked hard.

 

In 2013, after a weeping left eye, Baldy had his cancerous third eye lid surgically removed – just in time apparently. However, late last year, his eye began weeping again and after desperately attempting to save it with medication, he was put under anaesthetic to have his eye removed.

 

He would be ok. I had spoken with horse owners, who had been in similar situations and I was assured their horses were fine, some even returned to show jumping. So I was confident Baldy would get through this too. However, sadly more cancer was found behind the eye area and surrounds and the only humane option was to let him go during the operation, there and then. It was heart-breaking.

 

The following day (on a public holiday) my husband and I brought Baldy's body home to our farm

and buried him. Australia Day won't ever be quite the same for us now. Two days later I was once again sitting on our verandah, reminiscing about Baldy, when I swear I heard him snort as he often used to do. Imagination? Maybe. We will miss our beautiful boy for a long time to come and I am thankful for the six years I was able to spend with him. He'd lived a wonderful life and that was the main thing...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Could End Up Anywhere...

From the age of five years, after my family immigrated from Germany to Australia, I grew up in the south eastern suburbs of Melbourne. I enjoyed my childhood in town, completed my education and backpacked through Europe. I never completely felt like a 'city girl', as the country and especially the beach forever beckoned, and I knew I would end up somewhere rural. I just wasn't sure in which scenario this would eventuate, when or where.

Then in 2000 I met my now husband, Anthony. Although he had spent the previous twenty years in Melbourne, he was born in Leongatha and grew up in northern Victoria. He had country and cattle surging through his blood and every free moment granted, he would head for those beautiful, green, rolling hills that accumulated the further south he drove. I too felt more and more at peace and free when I accompanied him.

In 2002 Anthony and I made the significant decision to buy a farm in Middle Tarwin, South Gippsland. His family had owned and farmed the land for three generations and he remembers climbing the big Cyprus trees during school holidays as a young child. If the property was not bought by a family member, it would be sold along with his family's legacy. Anthony did not, under any circumstances, want this to happen and made appropriate arrangements to see to it that we would take over the farm and continue to raise beef cattle, as his family had previously and successfully pursued for so long, regardless of inevitable floods and droughts.

So, I was introduced to beef cattle and I learnt to get down and dirty like never before! We would head south to the farm most weekends, as we still resided and worked in Melbourne during that time, and Anthony attempted to teach me cattle work and all that went with it.

I remember the first time I stepped into the cattle yards. It was a boiling, hot, dusty day and I was surrounded by huge, multicultural bullocks, as well as 1000 little, black bush flies, who were driving me insane, trying to crawl up my nose, in my ears and mouth. The cattle were all staring at me, while many were opening their bowels. It was smelly and overwhelming. They looked enormous and scary, however, there was little time to be fearful. The job of drafting the animals had to get done and it all occurred so quickly, there was no time to think of anything other than the job at hand. I wasn't a natural, but I gave my best.

In 2005 we decided to move to South Gippsland. It was time to bite the bullet and make a good go of the farm. Anthony thrived and blossomed as he built his successful cattle business with his extraordinary business sense. I admire him greatly for all he has achieved.

Apart from the daily farm chores, having managed the building of our house, growing a garden and caring for our beautiful furry family – members big and small, I have been employed in various local part-time positions and still am to this day.

I always knew I would live in a beautiful rural area, just not in which scenario, where or when.........and a most glorious beach is only a ten minute drive away.

 

 

New Year Resolutions...How are they going?

The beginning of the year has come and gone and the new year's resolutions are well into progression...Or are they? What did the start of 2016 mean for you?? New life plans? New goals that you dive into, like a bull at a gate, with every intention to reach the desired destination, which you have endeavoured to reach each new year?

We tell ourselves this time we will make it happen. With motivation and determination we commence our new process of reaching our goals, be they to lose weight, to exercise, to smell the roses more, to create balance in our lives and so on.

And initially we proceed really well, equipped with positive thoughts and serious yearning for our desires....Our intentions are pure and direct …...until our thought world quickly begins to throw in compromises, exceptions and finally excuses. Then we succumb to our old ways, either unintentionally or purposefully, thinking, 'What's the use?'

From there we experience an overwhelming feeling of guilt and failure, and often (what we perceive to be) the problematic behaviour, becomes more intensified than before. We continue to beat ourselves up. We are experts at this!

So then, more often that not, we continue to indulge more deeply into our unwanted behaviour. We now also have a detrimental state of mind, making us think and feel less of ourselves than before. Due to this negative energy we portray, every other relationship in our lives and all tasks we perform is expressed from the seed of our present negative belief, such as we are weak and unworthy. If we have previously attempted to change many times, this feeling of weakness continues to multiply.

 

This process is ridiculously soul harming on so many levels!!

 

Let's face it, life is short. Too short to live in such a negatively tainted way.

Contain your feelings. Yes, you may have not achieved yet what you had intended, but you will try again, and you will succeed when the 'time is right' for you. Avoid sinking into feelings of 'letting people down'. It's not their goal, it's yours. It's your life and your life is a play where you are the main actor. Don't indulge in a feeling of failure, creating a negative aura. Yesterday is gone and today is a new day. You cannot change the past, however you can work towards the future in a positive way with excitement and anticipation, expecting good things to come....and with that energy, I promise you, they will come!

So please, be kind to yourself. Keep trying your best to make the changes you are wanting, but with a little less pressure.... It's ok,...... really : )

 

 

Life Is Full Of Blessings (whether you notice them all or not)...

I've come to a realisation this week! I always feel extremely grateful for my life, as wonderful experiences come my way constantly. Sure, challenges have their place too, and while initially they can create angst, they always pass without too much damage.

I am reading another spiritual book presently (very slowly - when I allow myself the time), which offers tasks to undertake in each chapter, proving there is an invisible force or field of infinite possibilities and it's ours for the taking. Yes, everyone! Apparently I (we) can access this force at any time, simply by paying attention.

I have heard this spoken of before and I agree that yes, we do create our life experiences either consciously or subconsciously. I believe we attract what we fear or what we spend time thinking about, hence bringing these experiences to life, into the physical form. So if we focus on what we want, as opposed to what we don't want, we can attract these desires. BUT, I question this spiritual truth sometimes, as I certainly did not manifest my beautiful feline contracting FIV, and ultimately having to be euthanised due to secondary symptoms of Cat Aids. I had never heard of FIV, so how could I have manifested this, when I had never thought about it!? 

So, the first chapter of the book asked me to give this invisible force a particular time frame (I decided 48 hours) in which to send me a gift/blessing in some way, shape or form. I'm talking, asking without feeling selfish or guilty, which I admit can be an issue for me. I decided to humor myself and went ahead and asked anyway.

Reminding myself often to be mindful of blessings arriving during the next two days, I realised how fortunate I am because blessings or gifts came constantly and made me even more aware of how wonderful my life is! Each time a 'blessing' arrived, I asked myself, 'Is this the gift?'

During the two days, I was surprised by a visit from a young, beautiful woman, whom I had never met before, who is the daughter of a cousin of mine overseas. I knew she was working/travelling in Australia, however I didn't know when she would arrive in our little town. There she suddenly was and it was truly a gift for my husband and I. Was she the gift I had asked for?

I have recently been diligently working to bring assistance to our lovely, local wildlife carers/rescuers through various channels, and during those two days an article I had written to support them was published in three local papers, reaching two shires. I was so thankful, to say the least. Was this the gift? 

The above events that happened blew me away, however there were other blessings I was granted during that specific time. My beautiful brother gave me a gorgeous animal-rescue calendar he had bought especially for me, knowing how much I adore animals of any kind. Was that the gift? My horse's eye ulcer had healed through medication I had been adminstering daily. Was that the gift? My husband took me out for dinner, which time doesn't allow for very often. Was that the gift?

I had already received so many wonderful blessings and that's just in two days! However one more special gift was granted and I just 'knew' this was the intended gift from Spirit. My gut feeling told me so. I was casually scrolling through Face Book when I came across a beautiful, spiritual reading a friend had shared, of which the words spoke straight to my heart.

The piece was about how we are never alone, not to be sad when a loved one passes, as their essence is still present, and how continuously loved we all are. Those messages always warm my heart and confirm my beliefs.

So, it was brought to my attention that every day there are a number of special gifts that arrive. Some are more subtle than others, however all are significant in their own way.

Why don't you try this exercise too? Ask this invisible force to grant you a gift within a particular time span. Don't specify the gift. Let yourself be surprised, for you will know when it arrives. Ask, let go.....and see what eventuates. I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised :)