Farewell For Now.....

 This week our hearts were heavy as we sadly farewelled a wonderful, dear, courageous friend and colleague, who had spent some years living and working in our rural community.
 We congregated in our local, ritzy cafe/bar to honor his colorful, short life of fifty-two years. Simultaneously, close friends and family gathered in Melbourne to celebrate his life and to fulfil his wishes by spreading his precious ashes across Port Phillip Bay.

This gorgeous man was intelligent, warm, kind, lovable, cheeky and unpretentious. His presence made you feel at ease, his sense of humor made you laugh. His professional, empathetic and sincere persona would often transform into an extroverted 'life of the party', always keen to experience a good time!
 

Through his unintentional role-modelling, we were taught how to live in the present and to enjoy and appreciate each moment. Whether this was because he knew he was living on borrowed time? He would make light of most situations, possibly protecting us from the raw truth or hiding his sensitive vulnerability. One thing's for sure! Over decades and with both fists outstretched, he fought a long and tiring health battle head on. Often the disease would fold him to his knees, however he always managed to find the emotional and physical strength to rise and continue fighting. It was the secondary complications that challenged him most and consequently silenced his breath.

 

 

So as the heavens cried uncontrollably, we raised our 'vodka' glasses in honor of our sweet friend and silently asked the Angels to hold him in their arms, now and always.....whilst suddenly a beautiful, rich rainbow appeared out of nowhere, bringing comfort and joy to our grieving hearts.

 

Thank you Mark, for being you.
Miss you.....xo 

I know with all my being that when our loved ones pass, they are surrounded with love and light as their souls travel 'home'. A home free of pain, a home of pure love that can't even begin to be understood from our physical stance. So with this 'knowing', you would think I am spared of grief! Yes, I am happy for the departed soul, especially if it has endured a long and difficult illness. I find great joy in imagining the reunion with their spirit guides, departed family, friends, pets etc. However, I still grieve.
 

Perhaps it is not so much my sorrow, but the sorrow I feel emanating from the loved ones left behind (who don't yet remember what I do), although I certainly also miss the familiarity of the departed soul, even though the physicality is all that has vanished. The 'person as I knew them' is constantly on my mind for many weeks after they have crossed over. I wonder if this is because their energy is with me, letting me know they have arrived home safe and well. I like to think so.
 

However, regardless of my mixed emotions, it's been an honor sharing a part of my journey with such an interesting man as Mark, and besides nurturing many, (now even more precious), memories, I hope we may reunite one day to remember and laugh over the good old days 'in the physical'....

 

 

Unintentional Exercise...

Feeling a little guilty, due to thinking I haven't been exercising enough since my body pleaded with me to let Taekwon Do go early this year, I was pleasantly surprised this week!

I found an old Fitbit I once wore, tucked away in my drawer, while searching for an odd sock the other day. For those of you who aren't familiar with Fitbits, they're a wireless, wearable device that measure data, such as the number of daily steps you take, your heart rate, quality of sleep etc. Having not worn this gadget since residing on our farm, I gave it renewed life by replacing the battery and decided, out of curiosity, I would wear it the following day.

So as planned, in the morning, I picked up the 'smiling' (yes it was smiling at me!), blue, intriguing, little motivator and clipped it to my bra, out of the way of my hands, pockets and my intended farm work....... and literally forgot all about it!

I spent the day outside, focussing on and completing all sorts of various farm jobs, which included a fair bit of walking back and forth, as well as some quite strenuous physical activities. It was perfect working weather, blue sky and mildly warm and I attempted to try and tick off most of the tasks on my to-do-list before new challenges revealed themselves, as they always did. Happily, I was able to accomplish all that I had set out to do and at the end of the day I ventured inside our home contently tired and hungry, not to mention somewhat smelly and dirty, as to be expected.

Preparing for a much needed shower, I discovered and remembered I was wearing the Fitbit. I tapped the front of it (tapping is how you are shown the data) and there was that smile again, except it had grown wider since this morning (I realised in hindsight it was silently congratulating me for my effort). I tapped it again and couldn't believe my eyes. It revealed to me I had walked 18,188 steps, which when I tapped again, showed I had walked 13.7 kilometres, and I hadn't even begun my pending inside chores yet! 'How remarkable', I thought, 'Fancy walking that much and not being at all conscious of the exercise, with all its benefits, I had under taken'. I was completely focussed on my jobs at hand and did not give one thought to how much ground I was covering.

Walking is such a fantastic, easy and cheap exercise, and can be done almost anywhere. Steps accumulate so quickly, without you even realising, and it just goes to show it's worth taking the stairs when you can, or walking to your nearby shops, or picking up your children from school etc.

I am in awe of my 'work focussed workout' and through the Fitbit, I have become aware of my 'unintentional' exercise accomplishments and am now even more enthusiastic to try and reach a higher number of daily steps.

By the time I had completed my home chores that evening and was preparing for bed, I unclipped the Fitbit, which showed me I had walked 20,000 steps in total that day. I found it bizarre that it was exactly 20,000 and not 20,002 or 19,996! I put my old, new friend to bed, snuggled underneath our doona next to my husband and contently drifted off to sleep feeling quite happy with myself and motivated to do even better the next day...

 

 

A Lesson In Unconditional Love...

Earlier this year, through cancer, I lost my beautiful, chestnut, quarter horse, Baldy, who was a stunning, strong, muscular twenty-two year old retiree with the most loving, placid nature I had ever known. It was such an absolute pleasure to nurture and care for him, and I made sure his retirement was as close to 'horse paradise' as I could offer. He is now buried on our farm, with our other precious animals, who have passed over.

Being completely heartbroken at the time, a few weeks later my husband surprised me with a rescue horse! I came home from work, on our wedding anniversary, to find an extremely quiet, arthritic, thirty-two year old, quarter horse on death's door. It was a miracle he had survived the one hour float trip to our farm. His aged face wore big, brown, sad eyes, his ribs were protruding terribly and he seemed to lack the energy to even hold up his head. He brought tears to my eyes....

Sky had worked extremely hard in the cutting arena during his life and had been in retirement for many years. He was always kept in good condition, residing on beautiful cattle farms, until the drought last summer took its toll and grass became scarce. Sky then proceeded to drop weight, reaching a crisis point.

So, here he was, in my care. He wasn't Baldy (who could never be replaced), but this lovely, poor animal needed my help. Immediately I sprung into action! I arranged for a vet to come and give him a good check over and I had a dentist assess and file his teeth. Seems there aren't too many chewing teeth left, however senior horse food will give Sky the nourishment he requires. I also wormed him, and had the farrier visit. I religiously feed Sky three times a day with all the goodness he needs, plus added supplements in an attempt to relieve his arthritic joint discomfort, and I offer all the love and support I have within me.

Sky has lived with us for just over three months now, and I can happily report he is looking magnificent and gaining weight every day. His coat has changed to a darker brown color and looks and feels healthy, his hooves have improved immensely and he even rolls regularly, which I was told he would no longer be capable of, due to his age. His tail has grown, after having continuously been nibbled by cattle, and he loves wearing and feeling snuggly warm in his water-proof coat, which a lovely friend of mine kindly donated. So all is going well and according to plan....

However, sadly these days, although I spend as much time as I can with Sky, talking to him, stroking him and offering love, the feeling isn't mutual. The healthier he becomes, the less he shows interest in building a relationship with me. The most attention I receive is when, through his elderly vision, he spots me approaching with his feed. Once his feed bucket is on the ground before him, he let's me know, in no uncertain terms, I can now leave!

I won't lie, I have been feeling upset and disappointed, especially after the special bond I experienced with Baldy. You'd think this animal would appreciate my effort of bringing him back to life, so to speak. But then I think, 'Hang on! He owes me nothing'. Aren't I nursing and caring for him unconditionally? Sky is old and wise and, if after all his years, he doesn't feel like being affectionate, that's his prerogative. In fact he's quite cantankerous and stubborn, but so be it. If that's the way he is, then that's the way he is. I need to accept that!

Regardless though, I continue to show Sky love and who knows, maybe one day he will surprise and meet me half way. Surely, energetically, he senses I care! But, in actual fact, by witnessing his daily transformation, I am greatly rewarded for my effort. The most important thing is Sky is happy, healthy and enjoying his retirement. Who knows how long he has left to live. He's certainly done tremendously well to reach his thirty-two years, especially with what he has endured, and I can't help but have the greatest respect for him......

 

 

The day Sky arrived.

 

Three months later....

Allowing Myself 'Me Time'....

All the farm chores are completed for the next little while. 'Allow yourself some time', I say to myself. 'You've been wanting to begin daily meditation again for so long. Sit. In the present. Be still, and know the farm won't crumble because you step out of your daily life for twenty minutes or so. Make a start, go on!', I tell myself. 'Yes, it seems a good time now'......

 

I make myself comfortable in my favorite room of the house, which basically tells my whole life story through photos, personal treasures, crystals, candles, letters, pictures on the walls etc. Once upon a time this room was my energy healing space. Sekhem Energy Healing to be exact, which is another passion of mine I have placed on the back-burner! The only difference now is the massage table is folded away and stored neatly underneath my beautiful, colorful couch, instead of being the centre piece of this, my sacred, space. The energy in the room remains lovely and welcoming, and I light a candle, sit on the floor cross legged, my palms facing upward on my knees, my back straight.

I focus on the candle flame, which begins to flicker, while I breathe in for four, then out for four counts, slowly quietening my body. I continue this for a minute or so, then close my eyes and visualise a beautiful, golden, universal light stream down from above, which flows into the crown of my head and downward all the way through my entire being, then out through my base chakra toward the centre of the earth. I can literally feel the subtle buzzing energy of this light as it encompasses me. It feels so invigorating, comforting and uplifting all at the same time. I continue to breathe deeply and slowly. I am definitely feeling more at peace now and I am amazed and pleased how quickly I sink into this wonderful state.

Thoughts begin to spasmodically sneak in from left field. I notice them, then purposefully shift my focus back to my breath. Suddenly, to my surprise, rituals I practised during my regular meditations in the past come easily to mind.

I silently ask Archangel Michael to please cut the invisible, energetic cords between myself and others I have been in contact with lately, which do not serve me anymore. I have in past meditations seen, through my mind's eye, many cords being cut at once upon my regular requests. Depending on the thickness (depth) and strength (significance) of the cords, sometimes scissors were used. Other times a stronger utensil, such as an axe was needed. Today I see long, swift swings from a machete, until I sense all the 'many' cords have become loose and disappear. I ask that all that I am carrying, that doesn't serve me anymore, be removed from my being and sent up into the universe to transform into love.

By now I feel my pulse has slowed right down and my breath is almost non existent. I am completely calm and 'in the moment', and my body feels so light, I can hardly sense it at all. It feels amazing....

I telepathically ask Spirit if I may receive healing and cleansing today wherever on my being I presently require it. 'May it be for my highest good and for Thy will', I pray. I also ask that beautiful love and light embrace my precious family, friends and animals in my care, here in the physical world, as well as in Spirit, and may the Angels hold them all in their arms, to love them, to keep them safe and well, and to heal them for their highest good. 'Please also blanket this wonderful world with peace and love, touching and reminding every single soul of what's important and what to let go of', I plead. I thank Spirit and once again focus on my breath......

I visualise an extravagant, beautifully detailed, golden door. Another ritual I often included in my past meditations. This door leads into the spirit world and each time I visit, I would have a different experience. It's been far too long time since I was last here...　

On an out breath, I turn the handle and slowly open the heavy door. Now excitedly standing in the door way, I am surprised by quite a large crowd of people, yet I can't make out their faces. Just as they all seem to know each other, I'm sure I know them too! Everyone in the room is so familiar and it feels like I have just walked into my own surprise party, except no one is jumping out from hiding. There is an atmosphere of welcoming anticipation and love towards me and I feel completely safe and comfortable. The dim light in this location throws soft, crimson rays, yet there's no light as such. It just is, and it feels like we are all standing in a room, a room with no walls. No one is talking, only softly looking at me and smiling, whilst projecting a feeling of love and support, as though they are my greatest fans in the spirit world. They seem so very pleased to see me.

Suddenly, to my absolute delight, my father, who passed over in 2002, steps forward, out of the crowd towards me. Such a beautiful surprise! He is wearing a familiar, grey suit and presents younger than when he passed. He looks so wonderfully healthy and we instantly embrace. No words, just a raw, meaningful hug. After a while we separate, and through his expression, he assures me, although he likes to take a back seat, he is always with me, offering continued support and encouragement. He nods, as much as to affirm, I'm doing ok and to take each day as it comes. All is well.

Then, I feel something brush against my calves. I look down and immediately recognise my precious, beautiful, ginger cat, Oscar, whom I sadly needed to send on to the spirit world just over two years ago. It was one of the most difficult and devastating chapters of my journey thus far. I crouch down and lovingly stroke his beautiful, healthy, fluffy coat and he immediately jumps onto my thighs, as he always used to do. We would regularly and intensely embrace, linking souls. This embrace was no different. Oscar impressed upon me how well he now feels and that he is never far away. Answering my continued question I have pondered over the last couple of years, he assures me, when it is my time to cross over, we will be together again, as well as the rest of the furry family that have moved on from the physical. I cannot rightly express in words how overwhelmed with love and relief I feel and how fortunate I am to have this experience.

Suddenly, much to my disappointment, I am yanked back into the room by a loud, annoying noise. My mobile phone is ringing! 'Damn it, I didn't think to turn it off!' I curse. It's not very enjoyable to be in a state of complete peace, and having the pleasure of communicating with deceased love ones, to suddenly find yourself pulled back into the physical within a blink of an eye. 

I allow my mobile to ring out and I once again close my eyes and take some deep breaths. My spiritual fan club has departed, the golden door is closed. I let myself quieten once more, so as to make the transition back to normal breathing a little easier than it was, however it's too late. I am back, back in my world, back to reality, back to my life as I know it. But I feel more at peace in general and am filled with so much gratitude for the wonderful time I have been able to enjoy with loved ones, whom I love and miss so dearly. I quietly thank them for visiting my meditation and I assure them, I will return soon. I also thank Spirit for all intervention and ask to be used where I may 'serve' best. I will trust and place my journey in Spirit's capable and wise hands.

Having not had any concept of time during my meditation, I check the clock and realise I have been in a blissful state fore three quarters of an hour. I suddenly remember I always used to set an intention for the length of my meditations by asking Spirit to please let me know when to ease myself back to the physical. Maybe that's why my mobile rang. I could have easily and happily sat there all afternoon! However my beautiful rescue horse, Sky, will be looking for his lunch feed by now. It's time for me to get back out onto the farm to complete my chores. With a renewed spring in my step and a content knowing that I am never alone and ever so loved, I continue my day and look forward to my next 'me time'. 

 

 

　

Soul Friendships.....

I feel so extremely fortunate and grateful to have had the pleasure of meeting beautiful, genuine souls along my journey over the years, who have remained in my life and heart, no matter where they live in this world, or how often I see them. Each one wears unique, individual qualities that I cherish and respect.

These precious friends, whom intuitively I am absolutely sure I was meant to meet up with in this lifetime, are gentle, trusting, resilient, wise and understanding, and each one of them a calming presence, with much to offer and teach.

Even though we infrequently see each other, as locations of residence range from Germany to Canada, Melbourne to Queensland and a minority of special women here in South Gippsland, when we do meet, time or distance has no definition.

We understand each other easily and completely, needing minimal words. We sense when each other's life is unbalanced and we make contact to offer unconditional support. It's a knowing, the unspoken word. I often connect with one of these gorgeous souls, only to hear them say they had also been thinking about me of late and were just about to dial my number!

We laugh together, we cry together, we dream together and we attempt to make spiritual sense of the various wonderful and not so wonderful challenges that arise along our way. We are here for each other, bonded like soul sisters if you like, and I love and adore each and every one of these amazing women, and am so grateful to have them be a part of me, which without, my journey would lack substance and I would surely feel incomplete.... Thank you for your beautiful, fulfilling friendships.  Love you guys...... xoxo

 

 

Maybe It's Time To Assess Ourselves....

After excitedly 'finally' commencing this blog last August and promising myself I would commit to writing a weekly post of substance, this week has been the first time I have struggled to write, period.

Usually what happens is whilst going through the motions of my personal weekly activities, Spirit will place a subject/experience/example (from my journey) into my mind to share with you. Then, when I find the time at the end of the week, I will sit down and endeavour to portray into words that which Spirit wishes me to convey. Until now my weekly posts have been uploaded onto the web by Friday of each week. However, not this week, and I'm sitting in front of my laptop, as we speak, with a million question marks floating aimlessly around in my head. Not a very enjoyable experience at all!

I feel this situation has arisen because, as previous posts mentioned, I am still chasing my tail, still feeling overwhelmed, and under instead of on top of things. AND I know exactly what to do to make this feeling subside. Through meditation (even only ten minutes a day), mindfulness and attempting my best to live each and every moment in the present, plus probably most importantly, letting go of what I cannot control (I admit, I am a bit of a control freak, always usually very organised), I could easily eradicate this rattled feeling I am experiencing, which doesn't sit well with me at all.

I'm sure Spirit is observing my thoughts and actions, and letting me sit with this uncomfortable feeling, while gently (or not) coaxing me to finally exit the contemplation phase (which I have remained in for far too long now) and proceed into 'action stations'. I have a plan worked out, in writing, ready to grab by the horns and run with. It's full of daily rituals, such as meditation, positive affirmations, crystal usage, exercises, food I wish to include in my daily diet etc. If I commit to adhering to this plan on a daily basis (which will probably only take up a good hour of my time), I will feel more grounded and content – and daily life will become easier without a doubt.

My farm life is so unpredictable in many ways and it's difficult to coordinate a routine, as there is no such thing on our farm. However, I need to find a way to work around this and put into place my passions to fulfil my needs and wants, otherwise frustration and resentment will rear their ugly heads. I have already had a glimpse of what can arise from built-up tension and it's not pretty. My relationship could easily fold, my health would be challenged, and life, as I know it, could down- spiral very quickly.

So, this is the week's message! Once I commenced writing, the words flowed and I had no idea what I was going to relay to you today. However, this is important and we can all use a life review on a regular basis to keep track of ourselves.

Have you checked in with your needs and wants lately? The significant questions are these - Are we living our authentic selves or are we in the shadows of someone else's dream? Are we pursuing what makes our heart sing? Are we fulfilled? Remember, life is short!

Like me, maybe it's time to venture inside of yourself, assess your life, listen to your body, your soul, and possibly create appropriate changes to suit your present life chapter. This is your journey, you are important, so love and care for yourself. You and everyone around you will benefit greatly from this on so many levels.

Now, having penned these wise words, I need to become proactive and accountable in my own life!

           After all, without our cups overflowing, we have nothing substantial to give......

 

 

　

A New, Yet Familiar Road...

I've been pondering over my body's fitness level lately and attempting my best to listen to what it has to say, as a contribution to my thoughts.

Five years ago I commenced Taekwon Do. A thought I had back then, right out of the blue, that I ran with. It certainly wasn't something I had ever entertained or yearned for, however being one that loves new experiences, I gave it a go and never looked back.

Being a lover by nature, as opposed to a fighter, it definitely took me out of my comfort zone and I learnt many techniques while being challenged. What I loved most about my Taekwon Do, besides gaining strength, mobility, flexibility and wonderful new friends, was the way I would completely switch off from 'every day life' while I was in my 2.5 hour training bubble. I was (or better said, had to be) completely focussed, with no room for a single other thought. This gave me a wonderful, rejuvenating break, and after training I always felt incredibly physically and emotionally refreshed and ready to get back into the saddle of life. It was truly amazing.

Summer break last year (the only Taekwon Do break in the year) came and went and I wasn't able to recommence at the end of January, due to the farm, our animals and overseas visitors taking priority. The dry season had taken its toll on our land and my husband and I would diligently work until dark every evening, feeding our stock and making sure our water issues were under control as best we could. As Taekwon Do commenced at 6pm, it was impossible for me to attend. Then, as the weeks flew by, we were graced by overseas family for a few weeks, and again I continued to miss numerous classes.

So, finally it seemed I could return. My body would hurt dreadfully initially, however home life seemed under control. We had not experienced much rain, but I decided I could probably now leave my husband to hold the fort, without feeling too much self-guilt.

Well, was the Universe telling me something? The week I decided to return to my beloved martial art, I broke my little toe! I wish I had some amazing, courageous story I could tell you about how I managed this, but no. It was 6am and I had just ventured out of bed, was still half asleep and smashed my toe into our couch corner, whilst making my way to the kitchen, focussed on feeding my kitten breakfast!

Then a week later, I was walking on our uneven, dry, hard land, and rolled my ankle, on the opposite foot to my broken toe! It blew up like a balloon and still hasn't healed properly because my ligaments now feel like rubber, and I continue to roll my ankle on a regular basis. However, the swelling has thankfully nearly diminished.

Since then I have had my back realigned, due to being completely uneven from my neck to my coxic bone and that was the icing on the cake. Taekwon Do, I felt, was drifting further and further from my reach. I then, (after much consideration), made the sad, but definitive decision last week not to return to my enjoyable pastime. My body would not cope well with the vigorous, unpredictable movements of Taekwon Do any longer. Five years of hard training, reaching brown belt level is certainly something I can be proud of, but what I will miss most of all are the lovely fellow students of all ages, whom I had the pleasure of meeting along the way. However, sadly I needed to be realistic. My Taekwon Do chapter was over....

So, having made this significant decision, it was time to look at other options. After all, 'if you don't use it, you lose it'! I once again pondered over my next healthy, challenging endeavour and felt this may be the right time to return to yoga, which I had practised intermittently over the years prior to Taekwon Do. Not only for the gentle, yet powerful, strength and stretching poses, but also for the mindfulness and meditation component. I've been focussing on stilling my mind for months now, even for a few minutes a day, yet haven't completely achieved my desired state. It would be easier to slip back into this habit with the energy of like-minded people within a yoga class.

So, with this conscious decision, life (as it does) paved the way for me to easily find a yoga class only ten minutes from home and on an afternoon during the week, which is perfect for me, being in between farm feeding times. This will allow me to relax into my new passion without feeling anxious about my pending chores. My goal is to reach the same level as in Taekwon Do, where I think of nothing else except my practice.

I attended my first yoga class last Wednesday and I found the teacher, who I instantly connected with, to be a beautiful, gentle, wise soul, who promotes mindfulness and stillness – just as I had wished for and need more of. How lucky am I?!

I believe Spirit knows what we want and need and assists us to reach our goals. I'm sure the road I travelled to reach the point of letting Taekwon Do go was conducted by Spirit, and the thought of recommencing yoga was placed into my thought process because it is for my highest good at this time, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

So, I now commence my yoga journey whole heartedly, absorbing and celebrating all the wonderful benefits I will surely obtain from this unique practice – until Spirit decides it has another road in store for me.

We need only to listen and to be aware and mindful of our circumstances at any given moment. Guidance is all around us. Most importantly we need to trust this guidance. Life becomes so much easier if we only allow it to be....