Maybe It's Time To Assess Ourselves....

After excitedly 'finally' commencing this blog last August and promising myself I would commit to writing a weekly post of substance, this week has been the first time I have struggled to write, period.

Usually what happens is whilst going through the motions of my personal weekly activities, Spirit will place a subject/experience/example (from my journey) into my mind to share with you. Then, when I find the time at the end of the week, I will sit down and endeavour to portray into words that which Spirit wishes me to convey. Until now my weekly posts have been uploaded onto the web by Friday of each week. However, not this week, and I'm sitting in front of my laptop, as we speak, with a million question marks floating aimlessly around in my head. Not a very enjoyable experience at all!

I feel this situation has arisen because, as previous posts mentioned, I am still chasing my tail, still feeling overwhelmed, and under instead of on top of things. AND I know exactly what to do to make this feeling subside. Through meditation (even only ten minutes a day), mindfulness and attempting my best to live each and every moment in the present, plus probably most importantly, letting go of what I cannot control (I admit, I am a bit of a control freak, always usually very organised), I could easily eradicate this rattled feeling I am experiencing, which doesn't sit well with me at all.

I'm sure Spirit is observing my thoughts and actions, and letting me sit with this uncomfortable feeling, while gently (or not) coaxing me to finally exit the contemplation phase (which I have remained in for far too long now) and proceed into 'action stations'. I have a plan worked out, in writing, ready to grab by the horns and run with. It's full of daily rituals, such as meditation, positive affirmations, crystal usage, exercises, food I wish to include in my daily diet etc. If I commit to adhering to this plan on a daily basis (which will probably only take up a good hour of my time), I will feel more grounded and content – and daily life will become easier without a doubt.

My farm life is so unpredictable in many ways and it's difficult to coordinate a routine, as there is no such thing on our farm. However, I need to find a way to work around this and put into place my passions to fulfil my needs and wants, otherwise frustration and resentment will rear their ugly heads. I have already had a glimpse of what can arise from built-up tension and it's not pretty. My relationship could easily fold, my health would be challenged, and life, as I know it, could down- spiral very quickly.

So, this is the week's message! Once I commenced writing, the words flowed and I had no idea what I was going to relay to you today. However, this is important and we can all use a life review on a regular basis to keep track of ourselves.

Have you checked in with your needs and wants lately? The significant questions are these - Are we living our authentic selves or are we in the shadows of someone else's dream? Are we pursuing what makes our heart sing? Are we fulfilled? Remember, life is short!

Like me, maybe it's time to venture inside of yourself, assess your life, listen to your body, your soul, and possibly create appropriate changes to suit your present life chapter. This is your journey, you are important, so love and care for yourself. You and everyone around you will benefit greatly from this on so many levels.

Now, having penned these wise words, I need to become proactive and accountable in my own life!

           After all, without our cups overflowing, we have nothing substantial to give......

 

 

　

A New, Yet Familiar Road...

I've been pondering over my body's fitness level lately and attempting my best to listen to what it has to say, as a contribution to my thoughts.

Five years ago I commenced Taekwon Do. A thought I had back then, right out of the blue, that I ran with. It certainly wasn't something I had ever entertained or yearned for, however being one that loves new experiences, I gave it a go and never looked back.

Being a lover by nature, as opposed to a fighter, it definitely took me out of my comfort zone and I learnt many techniques while being challenged. What I loved most about my Taekwon Do, besides gaining strength, mobility, flexibility and wonderful new friends, was the way I would completely switch off from 'every day life' while I was in my 2.5 hour training bubble. I was (or better said, had to be) completely focussed, with no room for a single other thought. This gave me a wonderful, rejuvenating break, and after training I always felt incredibly physically and emotionally refreshed and ready to get back into the saddle of life. It was truly amazing.

Summer break last year (the only Taekwon Do break in the year) came and went and I wasn't able to recommence at the end of January, due to the farm, our animals and overseas visitors taking priority. The dry season had taken its toll on our land and my husband and I would diligently work until dark every evening, feeding our stock and making sure our water issues were under control as best we could. As Taekwon Do commenced at 6pm, it was impossible for me to attend. Then, as the weeks flew by, we were graced by overseas family for a few weeks, and again I continued to miss numerous classes.

So, finally it seemed I could return. My body would hurt dreadfully initially, however home life seemed under control. We had not experienced much rain, but I decided I could probably now leave my husband to hold the fort, without feeling too much self-guilt.

Well, was the Universe telling me something? The week I decided to return to my beloved martial art, I broke my little toe! I wish I had some amazing, courageous story I could tell you about how I managed this, but no. It was 6am and I had just ventured out of bed, was still half asleep and smashed my toe into our couch corner, whilst making my way to the kitchen, focussed on feeding my kitten breakfast!

Then a week later, I was walking on our uneven, dry, hard land, and rolled my ankle, on the opposite foot to my broken toe! It blew up like a balloon and still hasn't healed properly because my ligaments now feel like rubber, and I continue to roll my ankle on a regular basis. However, the swelling has thankfully nearly diminished.

Since then I have had my back realigned, due to being completely uneven from my neck to my coxic bone and that was the icing on the cake. Taekwon Do, I felt, was drifting further and further from my reach. I then, (after much consideration), made the sad, but definitive decision last week not to return to my enjoyable pastime. My body would not cope well with the vigorous, unpredictable movements of Taekwon Do any longer. Five years of hard training, reaching brown belt level is certainly something I can be proud of, but what I will miss most of all are the lovely fellow students of all ages, whom I had the pleasure of meeting along the way. However, sadly I needed to be realistic. My Taekwon Do chapter was over....

So, having made this significant decision, it was time to look at other options. After all, 'if you don't use it, you lose it'! I once again pondered over my next healthy, challenging endeavour and felt this may be the right time to return to yoga, which I had practised intermittently over the years prior to Taekwon Do. Not only for the gentle, yet powerful, strength and stretching poses, but also for the mindfulness and meditation component. I've been focussing on stilling my mind for months now, even for a few minutes a day, yet haven't completely achieved my desired state. It would be easier to slip back into this habit with the energy of like-minded people within a yoga class.

So, with this conscious decision, life (as it does) paved the way for me to easily find a yoga class only ten minutes from home and on an afternoon during the week, which is perfect for me, being in between farm feeding times. This will allow me to relax into my new passion without feeling anxious about my pending chores. My goal is to reach the same level as in Taekwon Do, where I think of nothing else except my practice.

I attended my first yoga class last Wednesday and I found the teacher, who I instantly connected with, to be a beautiful, gentle, wise soul, who promotes mindfulness and stillness – just as I had wished for and need more of. How lucky am I?!

I believe Spirit knows what we want and need and assists us to reach our goals. I'm sure the road I travelled to reach the point of letting Taekwon Do go was conducted by Spirit, and the thought of recommencing yoga was placed into my thought process because it is for my highest good at this time, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

So, I now commence my yoga journey whole heartedly, absorbing and celebrating all the wonderful benefits I will surely obtain from this unique practice – until Spirit decides it has another road in store for me.

We need only to listen and to be aware and mindful of our circumstances at any given moment. Guidance is all around us. Most importantly we need to trust this guidance. Life becomes so much easier if we only allow it to be....

 

What Is Purpose?....

 I have always known there is more to life than meets the eye. Even as a child I nurtured an open mind about the esoteric phenomenon and the possibilities of life after death. I just had a 'feeling' back then, which I couldn't explain. Now I am convinced it was because I was young enough for my spirit to remind me often in subtle ways of my 'home', having not been in this physical world for very long.

I have a nurturing nature, and I treasure connecting with kindred souls, be they man or animal, however to this day I have always felt very much alone. When I say alone, I mean the feeling of being in a crowd, yet feeling a sort of solitude somehow. Not that I dislike this feeling. I guess it is because I have never truly opened myself up to be completely vulnerable, (except to a few beautiful women I treasure, who always seem to sense when there is imbalance within my realm). I am comfortable with this though. I am usually always the one busy listening to everyone else and assisting where I can, hence my occupation of social work/addictions/nursing. I care. I always have and I always will...

I usually keep to myself when I am struggling with an issue, yet I know that Spirit's embrace surrounds me and I, and you, are never alone. In fact, you would be surprised to learn how much assistance is available, and Spirit gives me the support and reassurance I crave when the need arises. Spirit never lets me down, even when I sometimes question my own truths and beliefs.

So, here I am – feeling stuck once again. I have a supportive husband, two gorgeous fluff balls, amongst other precious animals that live outdoors, and we own a picturesque farm and live in our dream home we had built a few years ago....and a most amazing beach is only a fifteen minute drive away. I honestly have it all and I'm so grateful.

I am also so fortunate to only be working part-time off the farm, while my husband works diligently many hours a week, successfully building a business through his admirable passion, determination and perseverance. I am so proud of him. He is such an inspiration and I very much appreciate that we are in a financial position where I don't need to be employed full-time, away from home. In fact, it is more lucrative for us that I work the farm. My chores for our own business are much more important to complete.

So why am I feeling stuck? I envy my husband, as I have also always longed to find my own passion that I could endeavour to grab by the horns and run with. One that would make a difference to people's lives in a positive way, whilst also owning my independence and substantially contributing to our finances. I would be completely motivated and diligent in my quest and would work night and day if need be. For years now I have sought this meaningful and prosperous project and still it continues to stay invisible. I know it's there, right in my reach. I can almost taste it!

However maybe, my purpose is to 'just be', radiating loving energy to the best of my intention and ability to all souls whom I come into contact with. Maybe my purpose is to care for, love and nurture the animals who find their way into my home. In other words, maybe I am already living my purpose, yet through yearning and reaching for something not included in my life plan, my eyes are too foggy to see clearly, to see the truth, hence not feeling completely satisfied within.

'Apparently', if you wish for something, wish it, then let it go and it will come – when the time is right. Or acceptance is always a grand word used often within spiritual laws. Accept where you are, and be grateful for all you have. From this stance your wishes become fulfilled. Or another insightful quote (from the law of attraction) is, live your life as though you already have your idea, your pay rise, your accomplished weight loss etc. Act as if and it will come!

Who knows what is truth and what isn't? Perhaps assorted truths are attracted by various different souls. We are all unique and individual after all (although all connected I have read time and time again).

 

I guess it comes down to mindfully and proactively 'being the best person you can be at any given moment' and continuously staying open to opportunities and surprises springing from left field that may present. There's always something around the corner that can change your life very quickly, such as a significant phone call. Keep your eye on the pie, however accept that if nothing comes of it, even though you truly attempt to reach your goal/desire, it's possibly not meant to be – or not yet anyway...Or perhaps a completely different and exciting road may appear and surprise you. One you would have never imagined in a million years! That's what makes this physical existence so unpredictable, exciting and often challenging at times - but wonderful too : )
 

 

 

Finally Rain....

I woke up at 5am today to the music of rain drops pelting onto our roof. How wonderful! Finally....

For so many months our farm has been pure dust, not offering a single blade of grass to our poor stock. The ground had become similar to a rough, old blanket with large, significant rips thoughout its texture, uneven and hard on our feet. The air had become stale and dusty, with the invasion of millions of annoying, little bush flies wanting to enter our mouths, noses and ears at any given chance.

We are one of the lucky farms that pumps water up from the Tarwin River into a large tank, which then gravity feeds down to the animal troughs. Still it proved to be a challenge trying to keep the tank water level up to at least a minimum, and hoping no salt would travel up the waterway from the mouth of the sea. The pump certainly earned its keep this season, pumping water sometimes eight hours a day with intervals in between, depending on tide times.

The cattle have become used to a diet of hay and silage, which we have continued to keep the paddocks stocked with. It's been our and their saving grace.

However now, with this beautiful steady rain, which is gold to our eyes, freshness to our breaths, and music to our ears, we may soon see a green tinge spread across the horizon, blanketing our paddocks. New growth will appear bringing relief to man and animal and a new season commences. Cobwebs will be dusted off (literally) and replaced with lush freshness and renewed hope.

Thank goodness : )

 

 

How Ironic.....

How ironic! Last week I posted the significant, and what I believe to be, important message that, 'It's not what happens to you in life, it's how you react to it'.

Well, low and behold, everything that happened to me this week, which was neither here or there, frustrated and annoyed me to the point I thought I would explode, which is not actually me at all.

The farm and farm chores were annoying me and I felt I was running around in circles, achieving not much at all. And, it didn't matter what he said or did, my husband frustrated me too. That's not ideal! Then, I became annoyed and frustrated with myself for feeling this way. I added some guilt to the equation by remembering how lucky I am and what a wonderful life I lead, and hey presto, I felt like crap (excuse the language).

So, I decided I needed some time-out (well, a short break anyway) to identify and acknowledge why I was feeling this way and what action I needed to take to rise above this 'crappy feeling', that I wasn't particularly enjoying.

I granted myself a few moments to quieten my mind, as opposed to always literally running with a mission and a head full of endless to-do tasks, and I realised exactly that was the problem.

I'm trying so hard to keep up with the all-round household chores, plus the mowing, the brush-cutting, the garden. Then I have my repetitious daily farm work, such as turning on our petrol water pump numerous times a day at the right tidal times, feeding the animals three times a day and cleaning their personal environments. Then there are the farm jobs that crop up out of left field or the ones already on the list in need of attention. There's too many jobs to articulate here and some I am unable to physically achieve anyway (which frustrates me as well), but I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from.

So, the issue at hand is either I'm needing to improve my time-management skills to create a stronger 'sense of achievement' for myself to actually complete my daily list of jobs.....Or, maybe I need to 'let go' and ride with the flow and have trust and faith that all is happening as it should, therefore easing off the pressure I tend to place myself under. Maybe I need to listen to my intuition and follow my dreams instead of fitting into someone else's! Or...maybe I just need a holiday to remove myself from every day life, view different scenery and dust off the cobwebs, returning refreshed and rejuvenated with motivation and passion. Possibly after shouting the 'important message' to the world last week, maybe I was being tested to see if I 'walk the walk', as well as I tend to 'talk the talk!

Probably a part of all the above suggestions is the answer! I do feel stale and in need of some different scenery, and I must accept that I cannot do everything in one day. Less self pressure! My dream, his dream, our dream? That one's a black box! And yes, I need to walk the walk as well....

That also reminds me, I really need to give myself a few quiet moments daily, as I get so much information from stillness, and instantly I feel better. Connecting to Spirit is amazingly physically and emotionally healing. I'm always going on about that, but again, I often don't allow myself the time, thinking I will never be finished with my physical labour. However, connecting to Spirit is a priority and from this communication/stillness, the day flows so much more easily because I am centred, and do not even come close to reaching a feeling of annoyance or frustration.

There it is then, there's the answer. I'm amazed how writing the week down on paper helps so much to off load and work out what it is that's missing or needed.…..and I thank you so much for listening to me think out loud. Have a lovely day : )

 

 

Life's Challenges...

This week almost everyone I have had a conversation with seemed to be going through a difficult and challenging time, from relationship breakdowns, to ill pets, to problematic teenage issues creating angst and upheaval within family units. All of this can be emotionally (and physically) devastating and soul draining.

That started me thinking again about life and why we get thrown our challenges to conquer.

But, that's what life is all about! I believe, to learn our lessons through various 'individually' picked situations......and if we don't learn them the first time around, we are given the same lessons in different scenarios. That's why we are living this physical existence. To learn, grow, evolve.

If that sounds too farfetched to believe, one thing I am certain of. It makes no difference what we are confronted with in life, it's how we react that's important. It's how we learn, grow stronger and become role models for our children, our families, the people around us.

So it's not what happens to us, it's how we handle the difficult situations that come our way.....and I believe we are not dished out more than what we can carry, even if doesn't seem so at the time.

Life isn't always easy, but hey, it's also pretty wonderful.

                                      Happy Easter to you and your family xoxo

 

The Unsettling Wind....

It's such a beautiful day today, twenty-six degrees, blue skies and glorious sunshine, however a cyclonic wind is blowing across the farm (as it often does down this neck of the woods), leaving me feeling completely rattled. This always happens! I get such an unsettling feeling and I don't know why?

My animals do too. My horse can't stand the wind and I watch him trot around the paddock, seeming like he doesn't know where to comfortably stand. My cat finds himself a confined, quiet, private place to hide and I don't see him for hours, and the cattle all sit huddled in a mob and situate themselves so that their behinds are facing the wind.

Meanwhile, our house (which is only six years old) sounds like it's falling down around our ears, with some of the doors whistling and windows rattling. Our poor little kitten, which hasn't been allowed to venture outside yet, becomes frightened and looks at us with a scared, questionable expression on her tiny, innocent face.

Strange how the wind can have such a negative effect. Is it because it's ferocious and controlling and scoops up everything it can in its way? When I work on the farm, it almost pushes me over from behind or does its best to forbid me to move forward when I'm attempting to walk. How dare it try and manipulate me, as if it has a mind of its own. Or maybe it has? Maybe it's the violence of the gale that rattles me. A gentle breeze is lovely, especially when the weather is warm, however the aggression of strong winds is not at all pleasant, constantly and literally slapping me in the face.

The easterly winds are the worst of all. The fish don't bite, the tide is never as high as usual because the wind attempts its best to keep the water from travelling up the river, the usually quiet cattle are stirred up and frisky, and the land becomes dangerously dry. Most people I speak with complain about the difficult and challenging 'easterly gale'.

However, the only option is to make friends with the wind – somehow.... and I remind myself it will pass. Sometimes after a day or sometimes after a week, but it always passes. Then I can once again appreciate the stillness, and my environment returns to balance and serenity – until the next determined gale force wind rears up, which will no doubt unsettle and rattle me all over again....