What
is it about mid life that can turn people into deceptive, secretive
and unattractive beings?
Are
they waking one spontaneous day, overwhelmed by the sudden
realisation of their ageing process, questioning their mortality? Do
they suddenly experience fears of having regrets, of missing out, or
of dying before all dreams and goals have been accomplished?
Are
they perceiving family life, with all its responsibilities and
pressures, not to be what they wished for after all, and would like
nothing more than to run away into oblivion, searching for a second
chance? Or have they followed their passion and accomplished their long
term goals remarkably and admirably well, only to be confronted with
stagnation once reaching their pinnacle.
Maybe
their partner, whom they initially adored and who has walked beside
them through thick and thin over many years, suddenly wears facial
lines they hadn't noticed until now. They realise she/he has become a
comfortable, familiar friend, completely dependable and supportive,
yet where's the unpredictable physical and mental excitement gone?
There's a staleness in the air. It doesn't cross their minds their
loved ones may be perceiving them in the same way.
Suddenly
life seems so short. They panic!
There
is so much they wish to learn, to accomplish, to discover, to
challenge them, to strive for and to succeed in; so may people they
have yet to connect with, on whichever levels present. So many
opportunities not to be missed, ignored or wasted. They must act now,
before it's too late, before their ship has sailed.
They're
feeling frustrated, discontented, wrestling with private thoughts of
possible, various solutions. There are options, all is not lost. They
could continue with the norm, without rocking their predictable,
secure life (divorce is expensive), while adding some spice to keep
them on their toes, stimulated and in anticipation of spontaneous,
delicious, secret rendezvous. The attention of a younger, prettier
woman or a sexy, young, fit man stroking their ego is attractively
seductive and tempting. They would feel alive for the first time in a
long while and the sex would be mind-blowing! Yes, they could have
their cake and eat it too, no one would find out. They would be sure
to be discreet… until it all explodes in their face – as it
always eventually does.
Surely
your loved one of many years is worth more than this example of
disrespectful deception? Surely?!
(Not
to mention the fact that in the heat of a passionate, careless
moment, you may possibly bring your spouse home an extremely,
unwanted gift, which will impact both your lives forever more).
This
topic reminds me of my late father's words. He was a wise, humble man
of simple, raw needs and minimal words, but when he spoke, you
listened - really listened. He once told me he would never, ever
jeopardise his many years of marriage to my mother for a bit of half
hour fun with another woman. It just wasn't worth it! These words
have been cemented in my head for over twenty years, and like my dad,
are words I choose to live by. That's just me. I spoke my vows and I
have since taken them seriously. I enjoy my sleep at night!
I
believe toying with the above option to satisfy your personal needs
and wants, only proves there is a major communication lapse within
the relationship (or maybe you just don't realise for every action,
there's a reaction). This sort of behaviour and thinking eradicates
trust. Without trust there's no relationship to speak of. End of
story.
I'm
sure many individuals experience and stumble through confusing mid
life questions. It's true, you reach the age of fifty years and
wonder where the hell those years have gone, especially as you still
think like a young person. I mean, how are you meant to think at
fifty? More than half your life is over and who knows how many years
are left in your contract? Friends younger than you have already
sadly, suddenly passed.
You reminisce about the life you've chosen (or has sometimes
chosen you), and the long, meandering road you've taken with your
partner. So much history of diverse highs and lows, and all those
amazing goals, which seemed like mountains to climb many years ago,
have been successfully achieved. Through commitment, enthusiasm and
plain old hard work, you've accomplished what you set out to do –
as a well-oiled team. You can now sit back and reap the rewards of
your labour.
But
no, a soft, niggling voice inside, which becomes louder and louder,
begins to question you over and over again. Am I truly where I am
meant to be? Am I happy and content? Am I following my heart's
desire? Am I speaking my truth? Does my spouse continue to satisfy
me, or do I even still love her/him? Am I enjoying my work, my
environment? Am I happy within myself, doing what I love? Do I even
like and admire the person I am today?
These
are significant questions to ponder over and ones which promote
excellent conversation with your partner. Sharing and discussing
these thoughts intermittently throughout your journey create
informative, thought-provoking disclosure, whereby each party
constantly knows where the other is at. If an issue arises, which
needs addressing, jump on it early. Don't let it fester over years,
causing silent resentment or even ill health to escalate. This way
there are no surprises of waking up
one morning to hear your husband
announce
he's leaving you for another
woman or your wife
doesn't love you anymore! Meaningful,
emotionally-filled,
raw intimate
words keep you connected.
Of course, this involves
completely honest
conversation, however if you're speaking with your partner,
who is, after all, meant
to be your best
friend, then there
shouldn't be problem!
If
this isn't the case and you
haven't spoken (really
spoken),
for a long while,
find an appropriate time to
be courageous
anyway.
You will feel a welcome
weight lift from your shoulders, freeing you of
negative emotional
burdens. Your
words may
possibly inflict initial
pain,
however remaining silent with
developing feelings of
frustration or bitterness
will only magnify the hurt.
Once
you reach a
point of urgency, of
no longer being able to
keep quiet, words can turn
nasty and
explosive, which is just not
necessary.
Be
honest and by all means,
listen to your heart and act
on the prompts,
as you remain
respectful to
the other person. Be
empathetic, understanding and attempt to place yourselves
in each other's shoes, even
if just for a moment. Know
life has a way of nudging you in particular directions if
you're not 'listening'. It
may seem overwhelming
at the time,
even heart-wrenching
or devastating, and
you may believe your nest is
crumbling around you, however
you're just not seeing what's around the corner and
how pleasantly surprised you may be.
Trust…
This
quality exchange of authentic words could
very well once
again bring you closer together; seeing each other in a different
light, in a
pleasing, stimulating, new
way. Hearing heart-felt
thoughts spoken may astonish you, as you sadly realise
you were oblivious to how the
other was feeling. Regular communication is the key. Once
you're both enlightened, possibly
on the same page, may
this be the
first, loving day
of the rest of your
spring-cleaned marriage. You
must always look
after and nurture that which
is important and valuable
to you, otherwise it will
eventually break to the point
of no return.
However,
whichever way
life may unfold, always
remember as one door closes, another one always
opens.
Trust
in life, trust in yourself, listen often and know, no matter what
happens, you will be
ok.
